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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22715119">Such a good night</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/reherareh/pseuds/reherareh'>reherareh</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>ASTRO (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Boys In Love, Cute, Fluff, Forbidden Love, Hurt, Implied Sexual Content, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, True Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 14:55:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>30,017</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22715119</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/reherareh/pseuds/reherareh</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Rocky loved all of his members. They were family. But there was a certain someone that made him feel different feelings. Rocky tried to ignore his loud and fast heartbeat, his slightly trembling hands and the millions of wild butterflies in his stomach every time he saw him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Myungjun | MJ/Park Jinwoo | Jin Jin, Lee Dongmin | Cha Eunwoo/Park Minhyuk | Rocky, Moon Bin/Yoon Sanha, Park Minhyuk | Rocky/Yoon Sanha</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>88</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>89</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi!<br/>First of all, I'm not an experienced writer and English is not my native language so I'm really sorry for any grammar mistakes. I barely write fanfic so I'm sorry if the story is too bad. I had planned a simple one-shot but then I got more ideas so the story will continue in chapters. It's set in All night era. This ship is special for me because they're the first two I started shipping in Astro and it's the first time I ship two males like this. Well, I ship them for fun so don't forget that this is fiction. Sorry for this long note. I hope you enjoy reading!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rocky was used to it now after all those years of the same feelings repeatedly coming back and back. Well, maybe not really used to it but it was easier to hide them now. It was easier to act normal. </p><p>Luckily no one could see Rocky’s feelings, even though everyone could see his blushing face and happy smile while acting overly excited whenever he got to be near him or whenever that member mentioned Rocky. Despite this, the others would never believe that Rocky loved the face genius Cha Eunwoo more than as a brother. Sure, Rocky did act weird around Eunwoo a lot of times, but that was just Rocky being Rocky.</p><p>Maybe the reason he annoyed Eunwoo so much was to seem normal in Eunwoo’s eyes. To seem like a little brother who loved to annoy his hyung in a slightly different way. Well, that was exactly how it seemed for Eunwoo. He found Rocky cute trying to tease and annoy him but a few times he got angry. However, it only lasted for a second. He felt bad about it instantly and tried to cover it up by laughing and throwing playful hits at whatever part of Rocky he could reach. Unfortunately, it wasn’t always like that. There were those times his temper blew off. No one liked those times because Eunwoo would say things he didn’t mean to. Things that could hurt, and for someone as soft as Rocky, it hurt a bit extra. But he quickly forced himself to get over it for Eunwoo’s sake. Rocky didn’t want him to feel bad or apologetic.</p><p>The members kept telling Eunwoo on and off camera <cite>“He’s your natural enemy.”</cite> Eunwoo always just laughed it off while Rocky put on a proud smile. But that was long ago now. Rocky didn’t annoy Eunwoo like he used to anymore. If Eunwoo had to be honest, he would admit that he sometimes missed that Rocky. But he also learned new things about himself and Rocky through Rocky’s phases of maturing and growing. Things that he liked more than he missed that annoying and clingy kid.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Trouble resisting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>He tried to not think about how different Eunwoo had been tonight. But it was almost as if he was also having trouble resisting himself.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm posting the first full chapter today as well! I hope the point of view doesn't get confusing. It is supposed to be written from a third-person point of view where I tell about both Rocky's and Eunwoo's feelings at the same time or focus on one of them more at one time. I hope you enjoy and if something comes to mind please leave feedback!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rocky was Eunwoo’s reliable rock. That was what Eunwoo liked to think. Those times Rocky stayed up late waiting for Eunwoo to come home from his solo schedules meant so much to him. Rocky staying up all night teaching and helping Eunwoo with their choreography when he had practiced all day and needed sleep made Eunwoo feel so grateful for having him in his life. It was also during one of those nights Eunwoo realized he couldn’t resist his new feelings for Rocky any longer. They were so powerful that he almost stumbled into the practice room’s mirror when Rocky broke out of his embrace after doing the ”<cite>such a good night</cite>” part. </p><p>He looked over at Rocky who was now busy trying to put that part on loop again. Eunwoo could feel his heart swell with affection and a desire to touch him and make him smile and laugh. He fell in love right now just like he did every time he looked at Rocky these last couple of months that were full of schedules as usual. He fell in love over and over again. Eunwoo was still shocked at how fast these feelings had grown on him.</p><p>Right now when he was here, in their usual practice room alone with Rocky in the empty company building at almost four AM, he didn’t want to think about anything else. He didn’t want to think about what loving one of his members that way meant for all of them in the future like he did every night in bed.</p><p>Eunwoo cleared his throat. "Rocky-ah, can I ask you something?”</p><p>Rocky turned around. “Of course, whatever you want.”</p><p>Eunwoo smiled at his instant response. He brushed a hand through his sweaty hair revealing his forehead for a second before the dark, damp bangs covered his forehead again while he walked towards Rocky. Eunwoo wasn’t sure if it was his imagination or if Rocky swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down.</p><p>“Why…? Why did you choreograph the killing part like that?” Eunwoo hesitated a little bit and found it hard to look into Rocky’s eyes.</p><p>“W-why do you ask?” Rocky stuttered.</p><p>Eunwoo carefully looked at Rocky who was very focused on his white t-shirt’s end. His hands were shaking as they were fumbling with the soft fabric between his fingers. Rocky turned away and put on a hoodie. He faced Eunwoo again with his hands clenched hard in the hoodie's pockets. Witnessing Rocky's obvious uneasiness, Eunwoo realized he shouldn’t have asked. Maybe it was embarrassing for Rocky to answer, whatever the real answer was. He never meant to put the younger on the spot like that.</p><p>Rocky, on the other hand, wasn't embarrassed and he didn't feel like he was put on the spot. He was just so scared of his hyung's possible disgust or reluctance. What if Eunwoo hated what he had choreographed? Or what if Eunwoo wanted one of the other members to do his part? What if Eunwoo had understood how Rocky felt about him?</p><p>When they finally made eye contact Eunwoo's mind went blank because of Rocky’s beauty. Then, all he could think about was how good Rocky looked when the sweat on his face made his makeup-free, flawless skin glow as if he was an angel. That time Rocky had said he made Eunwoo weak when it was time to practice on a live broadcast, he had been right. Eunwoo had panicked and whined out the truth, what he had thought was the truth back then. <cite>“That’s not it! You always do something weird.”</cite> Right now watching Rocky like this surely made him weak. His legs felt like jelly and he was afraid that they wouldn't be able to bear him for another minute.</p><p>Eunwoo’s eyes were locked on Rocky’s face as if he was possessed. Unconsciously, his eyes focused on Rocky’s plump, rosy, pretty lips. Prettier than girls’. That pink color looked darker than usual because of how bad the lightning was when they weren’t in front of the mirror under the lamps, the only lights Rocky had switched on tonight. Eunwoo wondered how it would feel like to have them pressed against his own. Certainly not like those girls’ he had kissed. He wondered if Rocky’s lips would look better if they got swollen because of kisses. Kisses from himself. A part of Eunwoo was shocked to death by those thoughts while the other part of him told him that he would never find out unless he tried feeling Rocky's lips… tasting them and biting them-</p><p>"Hyung?” Rocky put his large hand on Eunwoo’s bare arm. He could feel a wave of electricity and heat travel through his body all because of that small touch.</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“What's wrong?" Rocky asked him. He raised his furrowed eyebrows slightly. Even small and simple everyday gestures like that made Eunwoo's heart beat faster as his face got covered in a light red blush.</p><p>"I just zoned out a little." It was the only answer he could come up with and it sounded cheesy. Eunwoo scratched the back of his neck with a shaking hand. Rocky seemed to buy it though since he only shrugged and ducked his head, eyes on his feet. He looked like he was dealing with an inner fight of emotions and thoughts. Eunwooo wondered if he was still uneasy and anxious because of his question.</p><p>"What's wrong?” Eunwoo asked rather playfully to light up the mood and let out a small giggle. He couldn’t stop himself when his hand started to move. He put his thumb on Rocky’s chin and automatically his index finger found a position on the soft skin under his chin. He lifted Rocky’s face and forced eye contact. Rocky’s eyes widened and he let out a small squeak that Eunwoo found adorable. He smiled his famous eye smile and he wasn’t sure if it was consciously or not when he slowly leaned down closer to Rocky. There was a pretty small gap between their faces and Eunwoo had to try very hard to keep himself from looking at Rocky’s lips again. Or he might kiss him.</p><p><cite>So what?</cite> Eunwoo asked himself.</p><p>
  <cite>Well, except that Rocky might get disgusted and hate you forever which means your relationship will get destroyed and never be the same again and that your whole career can end in an instant if he doesn't feel the same way back which is very, very unlikely then yeah, so what?</cite>
</p><p>"Let's get back to practice. We should go over the killing part again..." Rocky turned his back to Eunwoo who instantly stepped back. Rocky sighed quietly. Now Eunwoo would probably ask about the choreography again. What would he even answer? It wasn’t like he could tell the truth and he sucked at lying!</p><p>"I think it looks cool when we do it. I'm happy you made it like this."</p><p>Rocky's head jerked up in surprise. He couldn't believe Eunwoo just said that. But Eunwoo did and he meant it. Rocky's whole body instantly relaxed because of how relieved he was. With a big smile on his face and happy butterflies in his stomach, he played the song.</p><p>They quickly got in position. Eunwoo crawled backward on the floor while Rocky walked towards him as he was lip-synching to his rap. He leaned down and stared at the floor beside Eunwoo's head. He could see Eunwoo staring at him in the corner of his eye. Eunwoo never stared directly at Rocky when they went over this part. Both of them agreed through an awkward conversation that it looked better if Eunwoo had his eyes closed or if he stared at the ceiling.</p><p>Rocky didn't have much time until he was supposed to help Eunwoo get up from his lying position, yet he turned his head and looked at him. They both fell deep into each other's gaze.</p><p>Rocky couldn't move. He felt like he was drowning in Eunwoo's beautiful chocolate brown eyes and he couldn't get out. Eunwoo felt like he was stuck in an endless maze of sparkling galaxies that he only could see in Rocky’s dark eyes. And he couldn't get out. So the song kept playing while they kept staring into each other's eyes. Even when it ended and started over from the beginning they stayed like this.</p><p>Rocky, who was kneeling next to Eunwoo with his right hand wrapped around his neck, was the first one to break free from his fantasies. Not so surprising since he had known of his feelings for a long time and knew how to not get into situations like this. He had simply always known how to resist himself to certain lines, but tonight it seemed like he would cross those lines because he definitely wouldn’t know how to resist himself if their practice continued like this.</p><p>Rocky let go of Eunwoo and plopped down on the floor a fair distance away from him. With his eyes still on Rocky, Eunwoo heaved himself up on his elbows. He tilted his head to the side and smiled at Rocky.</p><p>"Sorry, I lost focus. Can we do it again?" he said innocently.</p><p>Rocky looked up at Eunwoo and nodded. He tried to not think about how different Eunwoo had been acting tonight. But it was almost as if he was also having trouble resisting himself.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. "What happens to us now?"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Why is your heart beating so fast?" The face genius asked curiously but yet with a cunning tone in his honey voice. Rocky didn't think before he answered because if he hesitated and tried to come up with a lie it would be more obvious that he <cite>was</cite> lying.<br/></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello!<br/>The weekend is almost over which means that school is starting. I'll be very busy so I don't know if I can post new chapters during the week but I'll probably post one tomorrow. So things escalate very quickly in this chapter. I don't know how satisfied I am and it feels a little weird when I read through it but whatever. Oh and please keep in mind that I've never been in a relationship so it's not easy for me to write this story. Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>This time it went smoothly and everything was correct until Rocky felt a change in Eunwoo's hold on him just when he was supposed to say “<cite>such a good night</cite>” and then let go. Rocky didn't dare to move under the suddenly very tight grip.</p><p>"Hyung?" Rocky asked.</p><p>Eunwoo’s breath tickled against Rocky’s neck when he spoke.</p><p>"Do you mind if we just stay like this? For a short moment?" Eunwoo held Rocky closer and tighter. He hoped Rocky couldn't feel how much his body was shaking. And Rocky couldn’t since their bodies were pressed together with no space in between at all. The tremble in Eunwoo's voice was noticeable though.</p><p>Eunwoo's actions left Rocky speechless. He didn't understand anything. Why did Eunwoo want to stay like this with <cite>him</cite>? Them being this close made Rocky extremely nervous. He had never been pressed against him this way.</p><p>Slowly Rocky's nerves started to calm down and he felt at ease because of how comfortable and right it felt. He decided to not overthink, instead just enjoy these rare seconds with the person he loved and adored so much.</p><p>“I don’t mind,” Rocky finally whispered and hugged back.</p><p>Eunwoo relaxed. He knew this was too bold of him. Anyone else would have felt uncomfortable and maybe even Rocky did but was just good at hiding it. But the way Rocky hugged back and just melted into Eunwoo’s touch gave him hope that his feelings actually weren't one-sided.</p><p>Eunwoo tilted his head and buried it against Rocky’s neck right under the hood of his hoodie. He breathed in the neat smell of that newly washed clothing together with the familiar smell of Rocky. He liked that smell a lot and he had missed it, even more, he realized.</p><p>A happy smile grew on Eunwoo’s face when he felt Rocky lean his head against his own. Eunwoo had always believed he was lucky, but he had never been as lucky as right now. The fact that Rocky was responding to all of this by showing affection back made it feel unreal. But he had always known that Rocky loved touching and clinging, so maybe this was the only way he could respond. Eunwoo didn’t know what to believe anymore. However, he was feeling devilishly bold tonight. And he was lucky, right?</p><p>Eunwoo pulled back slightly. He was still holding Rocky close and tight, ensuring him that he had no intention of letting go. He looked down at Rocky who seemed very hesitant. He was looking straight at Eunwoo’s throat but wanted to look up at him. Once again he didn’t dare to move and Eunwoo knew it this time.</p><p>“Look at me,” he demanded with a soft voice.</p><p>Rocky bit his lower lip, considering whether he should comply or not even though he deep down knew that of course, he would do as Eunwoo wished, like always. He slowly leaned his head back to look up at Eunwoo. He almost fainted due to Eunwoo’s beautiful face so close to his own. Love, adoration, and affection together with other emotions Rocky couldn’t quite make out spun around in Eunwoo’s eyes. He knew that he had the same emotions captured in his own eyes every time he saw Eunwoo.</p><p>Rocky thought he should say something, but he couldn't form any words. Instead, he did something he really shouldn’t have done. He looked at Eunwoo’s lips. All it took was to tiptoe and lean forward a few centimeters for his lips to be on Eunwoo’s, something he had imagined too many times by now. Rocky’s lips tingled at the thought and he had to swallow hard because of how dry his throat had become.</p><p>"Why is your heart beating so fast?" The face genius asked curiously but yet with a cunning tone in his honey voice.</p><p>Rocky didn't think before he answered because if he hesitated and tried to come up with a lie it would be more obvious that he <cite>was</cite> lying. "Because we're very close?" It sounded like a question rather than a confident answer like it should have been even though it was partly true.</p><p>Eunwoo giggled sweetly. He smiled down at a red-faced Rocky.</p><p>"Can you feel my heart?" he asked, still smiling.</p><p>Rocky closed his eyes and tried to focus on Eunwoo's heartbeat. It was as fast as his own, he realized after a few seconds. He never knew he would love the feeling of it beating against him so much. He could hear the sound of the fast beating if he concentrated hard enough. The sound could be calming, but instead, because of the fast beat, it was nerve-wracking.</p><p>“Why is <cite>your</cite> heart beating so fast, hyung?” Rocky questioned with a shaking voice and opened his eyes and was a little shocked to be met with a serious facial expression.</p><p>“Do you not know?” Eunwoo asked and Rocky instantly shook his head with small shakes. A voice inside Rocky's head told him to try and figure it out, so he did. But the only conclusion was too impossible.</p><p>“Is it because we’re very close?” Rocky asked, but he was just trying to convince himself that that was the reason.</p><p>Eunwoo smiled and then shook his head. “That’s only a small part of it,” he said.</p><p>Eunwoo exhaled a trembling breath before he leaned down and put his lips on Rocky’s. A thunder of feelings kicked Eunwoo’s body. No thoughts could process, neither in Eunwoo’s or Rocky’s minds. But something Rocky knew without thinking was that their kiss was <cite>not</cite> like what he had imagined at all. It was better and it felt unreal but yet so real. Rocky had never been more awake.</p><p>Even if their lips were sealed and only pressed together, they were both breathless when they finally pulled away. Eunwoo didn’t dare to open his eyes. He didn’t want to see a shocked Rocky who was horrified. He didn’t even want to see a smiling Rocky because he was so scared of what he had done.</p><p>Suddenly, he felt a light pressure against his mouth that cut off all of his thoughts. It took a second for Eunwoo to realize that it was Rocky… kissing him.</p><p>That was it. Eunwoo didn’t have to fear anything anymore. Whether Rocky just kissed him back because he felt excited at the moment or if Rocky actually liked him, didn’t matter for Eunwoo. His hand moved to Rocky’s neck and grabbed the back of his hair as he moved his mouth against Rocky’s. Within a second they both opened up and let the other’s tongue slide inside their mouths. Somewhere, as if very far away, Eunwoo could hear their song play. The way Rocky’s hands moved up and down his back felt comforting. But when their kisses became desperate and harder, Eunwoo felt Rocky’s hands slip in under his shirt tracing his spine and back muscles. That comforting feeling was gone. Instead, he felt... pleased and excited.</p><p>He let Rocky push him with fast steps backward as their tounges hungrily kept fighting for dominance inside their mouths. When his back hit the wall a moan escaped his lips but was instantly eaten by Rocky’s kisses. Both his hands were closed over Eunwoo's neck like a scarf before they slowly started to work their way down Eunwoo's body. Eunwoo's own hands were shaking because of how hard he was gripping the soft fabric of Rocky's hoodie.</p><p>Eunwoo pulled Rocky closer to himself. He could feel Rocky's leg get in between his own legs, pinning him to the wall. There was no room for escape. Well, he wouldn't want one anyway.</p><p>Eunwoo gasped loudly for air when Rocky suddenly broke their lips apart. They were both painting hard, their breaths almost louder than the speaker.</p><p>Rocky leaned into him with a surprisingly sweet and soft sigh. Eunwoo ran his hands through Rocky's hair and traced every strain as if he was trying to memorize the feeling of them in his hands. He was looking up at the ceiling with his head resting on the wall. His heart was beating much faster than it would have if he had been sprinting in a race at the Olympics.</p><p>"Hyung… Eunwoo hyung," Rocky mumbled against Eunwoo's neck with a sudden huskiness in his deep voice. It sent a pleasant shiver down Eunwoo's spine. He slowly pushed off of the wall and pressed himself against Rocky as he turned him. Now it was Rocky who got squeezed against the wall instead.</p><p>Eunwoo started kissing Rocky's neck. The first kiss soft, the second hard and the rest were harder and harder until he started to suck on Rocky’s soft skin. Rocky's small moans were slightly deeper than his voice. He tried to keep it down, but Eunwoo didn't make it easy for him. Eunwoo smiled proudly while still pressing hard kisses on Rocky's neck. But he couldn't continue down further to Rocky's sharp collarbones because of the hoodie.</p><p>Eunwoo pulled away and stared at Rocky. Rocky's breaths were heavier than his own and his face was flushed red. Eunwoo smiled and grabbed the hoodie, took it off, and threw it aside. But Eunwoo wasn't satisfied yet. He let hungry kisses distract Rocky while his hands slid under his t-shirt. The muscles on Rocky's stomach were literally as hard as rocks. Eunwoo forced his hands to stop tracing the form of Rocky's abs and instead take the t-shirt off. And just like that, another piece of clothing was thrown aside. He also took his shirt off leaving his upper body exposed. Rocky stared at Eunwoo. He took in every detail on Eunwoo's body as If he had never seen it before. He gulped.</p><p>Two young shirtless and sweaty men were staring at each other intensively with their fast and loud heartbeats echoing in their heads. Rocky knew they should stop but certainly didn't listen to his mind when he put his arms around Eunwoo's waist and tiptoed to kiss him. Their kisses weren't as aggressive anymore though. They were deeper and longer. Both of them felt more nervous now that their bare chests were pressed together. Eunwoo carefully nibbled at Rocky's lower lip. He wasn't sure if that was how he was supposed to do it, but what he was sure about was that there was no need to bite hard even if he wanted to.</p><p>If Eunwoo died tonight he wouldn't have any regrets. However, he felt too alive to die and he wanted to keep kissing Rocky while touching him and feeling him. He wanted to be like this forever. But then, reality kicked in. They couldn’t be like this forever.</p><p>“I love you,” Eunwoo whispered against Rocky’s lips. Their eyes were closed, forehead resting against forehead while their hands stroked the other’s skin on their exposed torsos.</p><p>“I’ve loved you for years now, hyung, even though you sometimes were distant,” Rocky whispered sadly.</p><p>Eunwoo sighed. Thinking back, Rocky hadn’t been <cite>that</cite> good at hiding his feelings. But Eunwoo had been stupid enough to never see them, to never understand. And yes, he had been distant. Maybe not all the time but he had been distant. He hadn’t known how to give back the love he constantly received from the younger boy. Eunwoo should’ve been the one to support Rocky, but instead, it was Rocky who always supported and hyped up everything he did. He also coped with everything. With Eunwoo’s sudden distance after their pre-debut and debut days, with Eunwoo being closer to everyone else and Eunwoo being mean to him when tempered. Eunwoo’s eyes got watery and a lump got stuck in his throat.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Rocky. I’m so sorry.”</p><p>Rocky stepped back and cupped Eunwoo’s face in his hands. He shook his head.</p><p>“Why?” he asked with a frown.</p><p>Eunwoo swung his arms around Rocky’s waist, slightly thrown off guard when he felt his own skin stroke against Rocky’s so soft one, and drew him closer.</p><p>“For being a terrible hyung for you when I should have been the best... since I’ve always been your favorite-” he smiled when Rocky cut him off with a sarcatic snort.</p><p>“I may love you a lot, but you’re not my favorite hyung. Jinjin hyung is,” Rocky responded.</p><p>“Yah!”</p><p>Eunwoo tried to push Rocky away but couldn’t when Rocky clung onto him like a baby. The sound of their laughs filled their ears and for Eunwoo, Rocky’s laugh sounded like music.</p><p>“You’re not a terrible hyung, you are the best… no matter what you do.”</p><p>“I know I’ve been distant but I want you to know how much I tried. Even though it never really seemed like it, I tried to get closer to you. I tried to make our relationship go back to the way it was. Sometimes, I felt like it worked but other times something made me hesitate. It felt so hard to make crucial moves. And then, everything got harder when I started to feel shy and nervous around you.” Just like that Eunwoo poured out the thoughts that had been troubling him.</p><p>Rocky hugged him tight and patted his back. “We can leave all of that behind and start over. Maybe with a new relationship?” The hope in Rocky’s voice was contagious.</p><p>
  <cite>Can we start over with a new relationship? Can we really be… boyfriends?</cite>
</p><p>
  <cite>We could keep it secret. It will be hard to keep from the members, but not the company. It could work-</cite>
</p><p>Rocky spoke and pulled Eunwoo away from his thoughts for the moment. “What happens to us now, hyung?”</p><p>Eunwoo stepped out of the comforting embrace and stared at Rocky from top to toe with a playful smirk on his gorgeous face. Rocky felt like Eunwoo's gaze set him on fire.</p><p>"I think we should start by putting our shirts back on," Eunwoo said, teasing Rocky who looked down, not bothering to hide his disappointment at all. Eunwoo chuckled nervously and blushed, images of the possible events Rocky had hoped for shamelessly flashing by his eyes.</p><p>"Says the person who took our shirts off," Rocky mumbled under his breath, but loud enough for Eunwoo to hear. However, Eunwoo decided to ignore him and instead pick up the clothes on the floor. He threw Rocky the t-shirt and hoodie without any warning. Rocky caught both pieces of clothing smoothly. It was at times like this that Eunwoo had to admit that Rocky indeed was born with swag.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading! So when I watch videos of Astro from their pre-debut and debut days I notice that Eunwoo and Rocky seem so much closer than they are in the like first two or three years after. Maybe it's just me but it gave me the inspiration to write a tiny bit of angst.<br/></p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Treasure</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Rocky’s eyes were sparkling. The way he looked at him was enough to make Eunwoo’s heart beat faster even though the tiredness and sleepiness were taking over his body and mind. He pulled the blanket over them and snuggled closer to Rocky. They instantly put their arms around each other.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Their practice continued for another hour of Eunwoo just clinging to and kissing Rocky, who was serious and wanted to help Eunwoo with the choreography. Rocky couldn’t break out of Eunwoo’s tight hugs and couldn’t stop himself from kissing back. After years of longing for attention and love from Eunwoo, how could he turn his back to it now that he got it?</p>
<p>“Let’s do all of the dance one last time, okay? I want to go back to the dorm now, hyung!” Rocky pleaded breathlessly in Eunwoo’s ear, pressed against the practice room mirror as he had gotten swarmed with kisses on his mouth and now neck.</p>
<p>Eunwoo set him free, stepping away and nodding. Rocky smiled and pressed a chaste kiss on Eunwoo’s lips. Eunwoo’s heart got warm and he couldn’t keep himself from smiling at Rocky even though what he was about to say bothered him. “You know you can’t do that if we go back to the dorm, right?” He was referring to the kiss and Rocky knew that. So he nodded with a rather sad smile on his beautiful face.</p>
<p>“But I can kiss you when no one else is around. There will be many times like that, so right now I’d rather go back to the dorm and sleep. Then, I can dream about you and when I wake up, you’ll be there,” Rocky said with big dark eyes. He looked so hopeful and positive that it hurt Eunwoo because he wasn’t as sure as Rocky that they'd get to be alone like this and that they'd have any moments for themselves now that the comeback was so close.</p>
<p>Eunwoo made himself a promise. He would make time for them and he would take any chance he got to be alone together with Rocky no matter what. He would make up for every second that ticked with them being away from each other.</p>
<p>"If you finally get satisfied with my dancing, will you grant me a wish?" Eunwoo asked with a smile. Rocky laughed and nodded without hesitation.</p>
<p>"When we get back to the dorm, don't go to your room. Just stay with me. We can fall asleep together and not wake up until we want while dreaming of each other and when we do wake up, we'll both be there, right next to each other."</p>
<p>Rocky's smile got wider and he showed all of his perfect white teeth. He leaped into Eunwoo and almost tackled him because of the sudden force. Eunwoo got shocked at first but then laughed in a mouthful of Rocky's dark brown hair. He patted Rocky's back and sighed happily. Rocky squeezed Eunwoo one last time before letting go and then getting completely serious while informing that they should start dancing.</p>
<p><br/>
</p>
<p>They carefully opened the door to their dorm. The darkness and silence had a welcoming feeling. While trying to not make any sounds that could wake up the members, they walked to Eunwoo’s room. Eunwoo switched on the lights and threw his small sports bag in a corner that already was packed with some of his belongings.</p>
<p>“I finally get to be your roommate, for one night,” Rocky said happily. Eunwoo smiled and drew him in for a hug.</p>
<p>“You can be my roommate other nights too. We don’t need to explain ourselves for wanting to sleep together.” </p>
<p>Rocky shifted until he managed to break free from the bear hug.</p>
<p>“But they’ll ask,” he pointed out and Eunwoo just shrugged.</p>
<p>“We’ll come up with something… Unless you don’t want to sleep here.” Eunwoo looked at everything else except Rocky. He didn’t want to get rejected. He wanted to fall asleep next to Rocky every night. Deep inside his heart, he had wanted that ever since they once accidentally fell asleep next to each other back in their pre-debut days. That wish had been buried so deep down that he had never been aware of it. Then, he had never tried to reach for it when it started to get closer to the surface of his heart that one night he spontaneously crawled into Rocky’s bed and drew the blanket over himself and a very happy Rocky in their early debut days. They never fell asleep under the same blanket again after that. Eunwoo liked to stay in his room and he was often tired so he barely came out from there. Rocky missed Eunwoo’s presence so he often walked in and just sat down on the floor beside Eunwoo who was laying in his lower bunk. They had small chats about schedules, dance practices, or things they wanted to do. Then, Rocky would just leave because there wasn't much else to say.</p>
<p>Eunwoo never paid much attention to how often Rocky liked to hang out in his and Moonbin’s room and how fast he was to leave. But he knew Rocky wanted to be his roommate and Eunwoo had hoped that they would get paired up when they moved into their new dorm, but their manager had thought it would be better for him to have a room for himself since he often had late schedules and shouldn’t wake up his roommate every time he came back. They all agreed while Rocky wished he could have argued. He wouldn’t mind getting woken up in the middle of the night if he got to see Eunwoo’s handsome face every morning before anything else.</p>
<p>“I do want to sleep here,” Rocky said genuinely. To fall asleep in Eunwoo’s arms felt like a privilege for him.</p>
<p>“Good then. Now go shower. I’ll get you some of my clothes ready when you get out. I don’t want to wake MJ hyung or Sanha, that’s why I won’t get your own.”</p>
<p>Rocky blushed and opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it again. He looked up with big innocent eyes as if he was asking for permission to speak. Eunwoo nodded for him to speak.</p>
<p>“What about underwear?” Rocky finally asked, his blush deepening. He was so cute that Eunwoo couldn’t stop himself from giggling and pressing a kiss on Rocky’s soft cheek.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry about that. I have a set of new ones. I’ll give you one of those so you can keep it later,” Eunwoo assured him with a bright smile. Rocky nodded and tiptoed to give Eunwoo a small peak that made Eunwoo’s heart bloom with colorful flowers. Rocky couldn’t believe he was allowed to do that. He couldn’t believe Eunwoo smiled at him with shining eyes and pink cheeks after he did that. Everything was like a dream, a dream he wanted to stay in forever.</p>
<p><br/>
</p>
<p>When Eunwoo got out from the shower after Rocky in less than ten minutes, he found him sitting on the bed in a pair of Eunwoo’s sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt. The shirt was slightly big, but not the sweatpants. They seemed to fit alright, but yet Rocky looked so small. Eunwoo smiled and told Rocky that he looked cute.</p>
<p>“Well, I’m not sure if you picked out your smallest clothes,” he responded with a pout that just made him look cuter. Eunwoo laughed and shook his head, small water drops from his hair flying to every direction. </p>
<p>He walked over to his wardrobe and just grabbed the first pieces of comfortable clothes he saw. He was about to release the towel from his waist when he remembered that Rocky was there.</p>
<p>“Rocky-ah, don’t look”, Eunwoo said playfully without turning around.</p>
<p>“I won’t.”</p>
<p>“I don’t believe you.” Rocky laughed and muttered a promise that he wouldn’t look even though it wouldn’t be the first time he saw Eunwoo naked.</p>
<p>“Yah! You don’t need to point it out, besides I've seen you naked too,” Eunwoo whined with a blush creeping up his neck.</p>
<p>“You don’t need to point it out either, we all have seen each other without clothes”, Rocky responded nonchalantly.</p>
<p><br/>
</p>
<p>Eunwoo turned around fully dressed and saw Rocky still sitting on the other side of his single bed with his back towards Eunwoo. He climbed onto the bed and gave Rocky a tight back hug. A sound of surprise escaped him and Eunwoo giggled.</p>
<p>"Rocky, I can officially call you my boyfriend now, right?" Eunwoo asked while leaning his head onto Rocky's. Their towel-dried hair brushed against each other leaving both of them with a refreshing feeling.</p>
<p>"Officially?" Rocky asked. He thought they would keep it secret. Well, they had to keep it secret.</p>
<p>"Officially between you and me," Eunwoo replied and kissed the back of Rocky's head. His hair smelled nice with Eunwoo's shampoo. That fresh and expensive smell suited Rocky.</p>
<p>"Cha Eunwoo is my boyfriend…" Rocky tasted the words. It was nice but unbelievable.</p>
<p>Eunwoo got fond butterflies in his stomach because of how softly Rocky managed to utter those dangerous words.</p>
<p>"Wow, I'm very lucky!" Rocky suddenly called out. Eunwoo laughed quietly and dragged Rocky down with him to lay down but Rocky didn't seem comfortable in his position o top of Eunwoo's chest. He got off of Eunwoo to lay down with his back on the bed instead. They both turned onto their sides, facing each other.</p>
<p>“No, I’m the lucky one,” Eunwoo whispered and caressed Rocky’s cheekbone with his thumb. Rocky’s eyes were sparkling. The way he looked at him was enough to make Eunwoo’s heart beat faster even though the tiredness and sleepiness were taking over his body and mind. He pulled the blanket over them and snuggled closer to Rocky. They instantly put their arms around each other. Rocky held Eunwoo’s waist and buried his face in his chest. He was taking deep breaths to make sure that his nose got used to his boyfriend’s scent. It was weird for Rocky to think <cite>“his boyfriend”</cite>, but he liked it.</p>
<p>Eunwoo patted Rocky’s back gently and slowly. “Make sure to have sweet dreams, Rocky-ah,” Eunwoo whispered with a smile because he knew himself definitely would have sweet dreams. And he would finally fall asleep without those troubling thoughts haunting him and instead only think of nice ones. Like thoughts about the boy who laid next to him in his embrace. Rocky only hummed in response, a sound that vibrated against Eunwoo’s chest. <cite>He’s already falling asleep</cite>, Eunwoo thought fondly.</p>
<p>A few minutes later, Eunwoo also fell asleep with the happy feeling of having one of his biggest wishes come true. He had found a treasure. <cite>His</cite> treasure that he would keep safe forever.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hi!<br/>Thanks for reading! I hope you stick with me even if I don't post in a few days. In the next chapter, you'll get to take part in the feelings and thoughts of a different member.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Always you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sanha’s hand was shaking over the door handle. Then he gripped it so hard that his knuckles got white. He wanted to leave, yet he couldn’t stop staring at how comfortable and at ease they were.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hii<br/>I'm back! Well, for now. I have a load of homework and two exams upcoming next week so I won't be able to post new chapters often but I will try to post the next ones during the weekend, who knows? Anyway, I hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Less than two hours later, Sanha woke up. Like every other early morning or late night, the first thing he did when he woke up was to look at the bed opposite his. A habit that gave him a safe and comforting feeling as well as a happy feeling. He expected to see Rocky’s sleeping silhouette but was instead met with the sight of an empty bed. </p>
<p>He rubbed his eyes and sat up confused. MJ’s loud snores from the bunk above were the only thing that could be heard in their room.</p>
<p>Slowly thoughts started to form in his fuzzy head. Rocky and Eunwoo had stayed behind at the practice room yesterday. Rocky would help Eunwoo to master the choreography. <cite>But where was he now? They still couldn't be in the practice room, right?</cite></p>
<p>Sanha turned his head to look at the digital clock on the night table between his shared bunk with MJ and Rocky's single bed. It showed 07:12 AM. Sanha got up and stretched his limbs while walking out of the room. It was dark, the sun hadn’t risen yet. Their dorm was completely silent and there was no sign of Rocky. Sanha couldn’t help but get worried. He was about to step back inside their room to message Rocky on his phone but hesitated. Unknowingly, his eyes drifted towards the door at the end of the hall. The one leading to Eunwoo’s room. He could see that the lights were switched on through the small gap under the door.</p>
<p>He walked towards it with the thought of Eunwoo knowing where Rocky was. Sanha carefully pushed down the door handle and opened the door. What he saw made his heart beat harsh and fast. A heaviness filled his chest. Rocky was there and he was sleeping peacefully in Eunwoo’s arms. Sanha couldn’t remember the last time he had seen them like this. Sure, they hugged and had an arm over the other’s shoulder from time to time, but that wasn’t much skinship. Not compared to the skinship between himself and Rocky. Sleeping this closely together wasn’t something Eunwoo and Rocky would do.</p>
<p>Sanha’s hand was shaking over the door handle. Then, he gripped it so hard that his knuckles turned white. He wanted to leave, yet he couldn’t stop staring at how comfortable and at ease they were.</p>
<p>“Sanha?” </p>
<p>Sanha jumped and almost screamed out loud. He turned around and saw a newly woken Jinjin with messy hair and fluttering eyelids.</p>
<p>“What are you doing?” he asked and blinked a few times.</p>
<p>“I... Uh... I-I just…” Sanha couldn't speak. With shaking legs he stepped away from the entrance to Eunwoo’s room. His eyes were glued to the floor. Sanha heard Jinjin sigh and switch the lights to Eunwoo’s room off. The next second he closed the door.</p>
<p>“So, what were you doing?” Jinjin asked again, his voice sharper and his gaze focused. He was wide awake now.</p>
<p>“I woke up and didn't see Rocky hyung in our room. When I got out I saw the lights from Eunwoo hyung’s room and thought he was awake in there. I was just going to ask where Rocky hyung was but I guess I was worried for <cite>nothing</cite>.” Sanha almost spat out the last words.</p>
<p>“Hey, what’s with that tone?” Jinjin scolded him. Sanha bowed down his head and mumbled an apology. There was no reason to take it out on Jinjin. He should keep the madness inside like he always did.</p>
<p>“Rocky probably didn’t want to wake you up that’s why he stayed in Eunwoo’s room. It can’t have been long since they came back anyway. Let them rest,” Jinjin said and patted Sanha’s shoulder.</p>
<p>Sanha nodded and smiled a little. Jinjin’s words made the heaviness over his chest slightly lift. Only slightly.</p>
<p>“You’re hungry, right? Hyung will fix some breakfast. But go wash up first.” Sanha was shoved towards his room by a smiley Jinjin.</p>
<p>Sanha didn’t feel like eating at all. The picture of Eunwoo and Rocky kept popping up in his head and made him feel full.</p>
<p><br/>
</p>
<p>When Sanha unlocked the bathroom door he was met with the sight of MJ straight up in his face.</p>
<p>"Wah! Hyung, why are you… so close?" Sanha said and stepped around MJ, not waiting for an answer. He lazily started to take off his yellow pajamas with cute cartoon prints.</p>
<p>"What did you do so long in there? I'm about to piss myself," MJ said and stared annoyed at Sanha.</p>
<p>"Instead of just standing there and complaining, why don't you go and piss then?" Sanha said coldly without bothering to look at MJ.</p>
<p>"That's exactly what I'm going to do… It's not even that early in the morning to be in a bad mood," MJ mumbled while closing the door to their bathroom. Sanha sighed and changed into a pair of jeans and a black oversized hoodie.</p>
<p>Shortly afterward MJ came out while yawning very loudly, exaggerating and acting all extra as always. Sanha rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>"Hyung, please be quiet. We shouldn't wake up Rocky and Eunwoo Hyung. They need to rest." Sanha was just as annoyed and mad as before, when he talked with Jinjin and when he saw <cite>them</cite> together in each other’s arms. The worst part wasn’t that they hugged, it was the way Rocky’s face was pressed against Eunwoo’s chest.</p>
<p>"What? Why would I wake them up by yawning in here… Where are they anyway?" MJ asked while stretching clumpy.</p>
<p>"They're sleeping in Eunwoo Hyung’s room. Together." Sanha once again almost spit out the last words. MJ frowned and walked up to Sanha who was sitting on the bed with his head bent down and gaze focused on his clenched fists in his lap. </p>
<p>"Yah, what's with that tone? You call this maturing? You're acting like a young teenager with constant mood swings." </p>
<p>Sanha threw his head back and laughed. It was forced and sarcastic. He couldn't recognize the sound that came out from his mouth. "It's amazing how you're just like Jinjin hyung. He said the same thing earlier. <cite>What's with that tone?</cite>"</p>
<p>Sanha saw how a smile played at the corner of MJ's mouth and a small blush made his cheeks pink.</p>
<p>"You talked with Jinjin?" He asked and forced down the smile, but the pink color stayed on his cheeks.</p>
<p>"Yeah, he's making breakfast now. I'll go check on him." Sanha said, softening at the sight of how flustered MJ was over a simple thing like that. Sanha related to MJ in many ways and always got along with him. Being in stupidly in love with one of their members was one of the many things they had in common and shared.</p>
<p>Quickly, he left the room, and luckily MJ didn't say anything. He was probably busy with thoughts about Jinjin anyway.</p>
<p><br/>
</p>
<p>“He seemed upset.”</p>
<p>“Upset? Really? No, I don’t think so. Like, why would he be? He probably just didn’t sleep well.”</p>
<p>Sanha walked in on two people talking in the kitchen. They had their backs towards Sanha and were completely unaware that he was there. However, he would recognize those voices anywhere. It was Jinjin and Moonbin.</p>
<p>“Hyung?” Sanha asked, revealing his presence. They both turned around in sync.</p>
<p>“Good morning, Sanha,” Moonbin greeted with a happy smile and patted the table chair next to him. Sanha walked over and sat down.</p>
<p>Jinjin flashed Sanha a small and nervous smile. He wondered how much of their conversation Sanha had heard. He turned around and put his focus back to the toaster on the kitchen counter.</p>
<p>“Is MJ hyung awake?” Moonbin asked Sanha who only nodded. He was staring at the surface of the white dining table hoping that the bright color would overpower the picture of Eunwoo and Rocky. Sanha couldn’t understand why it was bothering him this much. It wasn’t like them sleeping together meant that they-</p>
<p>He was never like this when Rocky would cuddle with or cling to their hyungs. The <cite>other</cite> hyungs. Maybe it was because of the way Eunwoo and Rocky looked at each other. Sanha saw the way their eyes lit up in sparkles but also got darker and deeper as if they got trapped in a different world that they only could find within each other. Maybe it was because of that fond smile covering Eunwoo’s perfect face every time Rocky did something. Maybe it was because of how easily Rocky admitted how much he missed Eunwoo when he was away on schedules. Maybe it was because of how soft yet shy and nervous they got when they were close to each other or when they were left alone together.</p>
<p>Sanha had always known, even when they had been oblivious, especially Eunwoo. Sanha had still not been able to silence his broken heart that would mend every time Rocky just simply smiled at him. He couldn’t stop his heart from beating for Rocky, only Rocky, always Rocky and forever Rocky despite knowing who Rocky’s heart was beating for. That person wasn’t Sanha and it never would be.</p>
<p>Sanha’s eyes got watery and he had to quickly blink away the tears several times. Even if the tears went away, that heavy feeling over his chest that made it hard for him to breath and the feeling of a hand clenching his heart did not go away.</p>
<p>“I’m so hungry. Can't we wake the others and drag them here so we can eat?” Moonbin whined.</p>
<p>“Well, maybe we should let Rocky and Eunwoo sleep in. They must be very tired,” Jinjin said seriously, carefully while eyeing Sanha. He wasn’t sure why those two sleeping together upset the maknae, but he had an idea. A wild guess that had been going back and forth through his mind for a long time.</p>
<p>“But we need to practice early so we can make sure we're completely in sync today.”</p>
<p>“Maybe we can start after lunch then,” Jinjin suggested while placing two toasted bread on Sanha’s plate. Sanha tried to give Jinjin a thankful smile, but probably only ended up grimacing. Jinjin didn’t notice though since he was fast at turning back to the toaster to put in another pair of bread.</p>
<p><br/>
</p>
<p>“Ah, hyung! What’s up with you? Why are you so loud when I told you to be quiet,” Jinjin whined and attempted to cover MJ’s mouth with his hand. It only made MJ laugh more while almost falling off the chair. Sanha’s mouth curved up in a smile. MJ’s energy and happy virus self always managed to light up Sanha and make him happy. MJ’s constant chatter distracted Sanha from his brooding thoughts of Eunwoo and Rocky.</p>
<p>“Since we’re not practicing until later, I’ll go to the gym. Who’s coming with me?” Moonbin asked with a joyful tone in his voice while ignoring the chaotic scene MJ was making. Sanha had noticed that he was extra happy this morning. It was good but unfortunately, he couldn’t relate.</p>
<p>MJ snorted at Moonbin. “No one,” he said and instantly broke out in a high pitched laugh. Sanha laughed along until he realized it would be good for him to distract his mind with something. That something could be going to the gym with Moonbin. It would also be good for him to not be there when Rocky and Eunwoo woke up. Sanha didn’t want to see them together again. He knew he wouldn’t be able to bear it.</p>
<p>“I’ll come.”</p>
<p>“Really? So Sanha will start to work out and get muscular like hyung now that he’ll finally become an adult, huh?” Moonbin said proudly and patted Sanha’s back.</p>
<p>“That’s good. You two should leave right away. You need to rest before practice. Also, do not hurt yourself. Bin, I trust that you-”</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah. Don’t worry, I’ll look after Sanha,” Moonbin cut off Jinjin and excitedly dragged Sanha away with him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Notice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Rocky was trying to kiss Eunwoo who kept laughing and shoving him away.<br/>"Stop, someone will see," Eunwoo whined and Rocky instantly let go. Eunwoo carefully turned to look at him, afraid that the younger boy would kiss him anyway. Not that he actually minded a kiss, or two, or a hundred, or a thousand.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello!<br/>The exams are over for this week and it went well! But then I got three for next week...<br/>Anyway, I'm satisfied enough to post this chapter but it doesn't feel that good and I really hope it's not too cringy.<br/>Hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A loud sound woke Eunwoo from his short sleep. It took him a few seconds to realize it was MJ’s laugh from the kitchen that could be heard in his room. Eunwoo sighed and carefully moved. He felt the grip of Rocky’s arm around his waist loosen. Eunwoo looked down on him. Fortunately, he was still asleep. His cheeks were pink and puffy. His cherry lips were in a small pout. Eunwoo let out a little sound of adoration. He couldn’t help but drool over how cute Rocky was. The way Rocky was sleeping so peacefully brought calm into Eunwoo’s soul and body. He sighed contently. </p>
<p>Eunwoo stayed that way, just staring at the boy in his arms, for about five minutes until Rocky’s eyes slowly fluttered open. He squinted up at Eunwoo and then smiled when he remembered last night's events from the practice room to Eunwoo’s bed.</p>
<p>“Good morning, hyung,” Rocky whispered. The way his morning voice was so deep and husky made Eunwoo’s heart skip a beat.</p>
<p>“Good morning. Did you have any sweet dreams?” Rocky’s smile widened and he nodded.</p>
<p>“Tell me about it,” Eunwoo said.</p>
<p>“I don't remember it.”</p>
<p>Eunwoo laughed and pinched Rocky's cheek. He started laughing more when he saw Rocky's surprised face.</p>
<p>"It doesn't count then," Eunwoo said which made Rocky whine out something about how he knew it had been about them even though he couldn't remember. Eunwoo nodded to stop Rocky's whining. Then, he asked with a smile, "Do you want to know what I dreamt?"</p>
<p>"Only if it was about us," Rocky responded with his own bright smile.</p>
<p>"It was about us. We were in college but not as idols. It was like we were in another dimension where we were just normal people." Eunwoo made a pause and studied Rocky to see if he was listening. Of course, he was. "I was your senior, a very kind one who everyone liked-"</p>
<p>"Obviously everyone liked you," Rocky interrupted and leaned forward to press a soft kiss on the tip of Eunwoo's nose. A warm feeling together with small yet very noticeable butterflies filled Eunwoo's stomach. He knew Rocky meant it. Rocky was honest in everything, except playing games. He had a habit of cheating whenever he could. However, Eunwoo found it cute, just like all other habits of Rocky.</p>
<p>"It was Valentine's day. I was on my way to class when you showed up. When I saw you I instantly knew the whole day would get better. We greeted each other but I noticed how nervous and anxious you were. Then, you had the guts to confess that you liked me and gave me a box of chocolates while trying to escape back to your class. Even if it was a dream I could feel how I blushed.” Eunwoo giggled and then continued, “I stopped you and asked if you had made the chocolates yourself which you had. I can remember the taste in my mouth. They were so good. As expected from chef Minhyuk." Rocky laughed and raised his eyebrows.</p>
<p>"Minhyuk?" he asked.</p>
<p>"We weren't idols so yes, Minhyuk… and Dongmin." Eunwoo’s voice ended up in a whisper. He wondered what his life would have looked like if he wasn’t an idol. Would he have been a doctor or a prosecutor? He had no idea. What he knew though was that Rocky would be in his life. But not as Rocky, as Park Minhyuk. Even if Rocky would have been an idol, he would be Minhyuk for Eunwoo. Eunwoo believed they were meant to be, so at some point in his life they would have met and they would have fallen in love.</p>
<p>“Anyway, I thanked you and did this,” Eunwoo said and leaned forward, slightly hovering over Rocky to kiss his cheek. Rocky’s face got red and Eunwoo laughed.</p>
<p>“You looked exactly like this in my dream too!” he said happily. A shy smile took form on Rocky’s red face and his eyes were shining. He was beautiful.</p>
<p><br/>
</p>
<p>Eunwoo and Rocky were out of bed, washed up, and ready to go out when Eunwoo noticed something. He grabbed Rocky’s wrist and turned him. He was met with a confused gaze but ignored it. He focused on what had caught his attention. It was dark pink marks on the right side of Rocky’s neck. Eunwoo’s eyes grew wide when he realized what it was.</p>
<p>“What is it?” Rocky asked. Eunwoo shook his head and gently ran his thumb over the marks. He couldn’t understand how he hadn’t noticed it earlier. It was from the practice room. He was sure the marks hadn’t been visible then though. But maybe they should have anticipated it. No, <cite>he</cite> should have anticipated it. After all, he was the one who did it, and if he'd been kissed by Rocky like that, he wouldn’t have been able to tell him to stop. He would certainly not have thought about the fact that he'd get perfectly visible hickeys afterward.</p>
<p>Rocky shivered under Eunwoo’s touch. He didn’t know what was going on, but he knew Eunwoo would explain soon enough. So he just stood there and watched him. He would never get enough of Eunwoo’s unreal visuals anyway.</p>
<p>“Uh, I think you’ve got a hickey,” Eunwoo informed nervously. Now it was Rocky’s turn to get wide eyes.</p>
<p>“A hickey?”</p>
<p>“Actually two to be precise but yeah, I’ve marked you.”</p>
<p>Rocky ran to the bathroom. Eunwoo followed him and saw his boyfriend checking his neck in the mirror. How Rocky himself hadn’t noticed it when he went to the bathroom earlier was unbelievable. Eunwoo couldn’t help but giggle.</p>
<p>“What’s funny?” Rocky asked glaring at him through the mirror.</p>
<p>“How did you not notice before?” Eunwoo said and walked up to Rocky, hugging him from behind. Eunwoo rested his chin on Rocky's shoulder and had his arms around his waist.</p>
<p>Rocky stared at his and Eunwoo's reflection. It was all still unreal for him. Then he felt the corners of his mouth move. When Eunwoo saw that beautiful smile of Rocky he had to return it.</p>
<p>"We look good together, don't we?" he said. Rocky nodded and looked down on Eunwoo's clasped hands on his stomach. His smile faded and he turned his head to look at him.</p>
<p>"How do I explain the hickey, hyung?" Eunwoo also turned his head to look at Rocky which resulted in their noses brushing together. They both chuckled. Eunwoo then without any warning kissed Rocky on the mouth. Even if Rocky's brain wasn't prepared his mouth seemed to be more ready than ever judging by the way he instantly kissed back eagerly. Rocky groaned when Eunwoo pulled away from his lips and the hug.</p>
<p>“Don’t look at me like that. You asked me how to explain the hickey but I can’t think if we keep kissing,” Eunwoo told Rocky and pointed at his neck.</p>
<p>“You were the one who kissed me!” Rocky protested and tried to get closer to Eunwoo and give him a kiss but Eunwoo dodged him while slowly making his way out of the bathroom with a playful smile on his lips.</p>
<p>“And you were the one who kissed back,” he said and ran out. Rocky quickly followed him with a playful smile of his own and ran faster when he saw that Eunwoo was heading for the door. He couldn’t get to him in time though. Eunwoo opened the door and continued through the hall about three steps before Rocky stopped him with a tight hug from behind. Their loud and cheerful laughs alerted Jinjin and MJ who still were in the kitchen eating. It had barely passed twenty minutes since Moonbin and Sanha left.</p>
<p>“They’re awake! Finally, I can be myself,” MJ sighed.</p>
<p>“Well, you were definitely yourself before too…” Jinjin just shook his head and got up to greet the two happy boys in the hallway. Rocky was trying to kiss Eunwoo who kept laughing and shoving him away.</p>
<p>"Stop, someone will see," Eunwoo whined and Rocky instantly let go. Eunwoo carefully turned to look at him, afraid that the younger would kiss him anyway. Not that he minded a kiss, or two, or a hundred, or a thousand.</p>
<p>Just when Eunwoo and Rocky had made eye contact and smiled brightly at each other, Jinjin walked into the hallway. There was something wrong with Rocky's clothes he noticed. The shirt seemed too big. Rocky didn't have any oversized long-sleeved shirts, only t-shirts. <cite>He's wearing Eunwoo's clothes</cite>, his brain informed him.</p>
<p>"You two woke up?" Jinjin slightly stuttered. He didn't know why he felt a little nervous, as if he was uneasy. The energy and aura those two radiated were different from usual. He wasn't sure how to react or if there even were anything different in the first place.</p>
<p>"Yeah, have you already eaten?" Eunwoo asked with that bright smile stuck on his face. Jinjin hadn't seen the always busy and tired man so happy in a long time. But Rocky wasn't smiling anymore. He looked nervous and uneasy just like how Jinjin was feeling.</p>
<p>"I'm done but M-hyung is still eating. You should join him. I can't stand how loud he is this morning," Jinjin replied with a smile and a roll of eyes before he left the two lovers alone.</p>
<p>"Let's go," Eunwoo told Rocky and put an arm around his shoulders.</p>
<p>"Did you also notice? I felt like Jinjin hyung was acting a little weirdly. He kind of seemed... uncomfortable,” Rocky whispered in Eunwoo's ear when they started walking. Eunwoo stopped and looked at Rocky.</p>
<p>"Why would he be uncomfortable?"</p>
<p>"I don't know, he just… Something about his posture and the way he spoke… It wasn't really normal," Rocky said.</p>
<p>"Maybe, but he's probably just having a tuff morning. He tends to act off when something's bothering him and he wants to seem fine to not worry anyone else. I'll talk to him later," Eunwoo answered with a reassuring smile. Rocky smiled back but didn't know if he was convinced or not. It did sound like Jinjin, the caring leader who would listen to everyone's problems but rarely talk about his own.</p>
<p><br/>
</p>
<p>MJ wasn’t eating anymore but he hadn’t got up from the dining table either. He was telling about some weird dream while throwing grapes into his mouth once in a while. Rocky had never felt so stressed about the company of MJ. He wanted him to leave already. Firstly, there was his hickey that he had to explain if MJ asked which he could at any second. Secondly, Rocky just simply wanted to be alone with Eunwoo. He often caught Eunwoo staring at him when he himself tried to get secret glances of his beautiful boyfriend. They both smiled shyly at each other as if they didn’t know they were in love and instead were two boys who had a secret crush on each other.</p>
<p>“Are you listening?” MJ snapped at them. Rocky felt how his palms started to sweat and his heartbeat rose. He silently prayed that MJ hadn't caught them and that he wouldn't notice the marks on his neck.</p>
<p>“Hyung, you talk so much my brain can’t keep up,” Eunwoo said and took a bite of his sandwich. Rocky was jealous of how unbothered Eunwoo was about the whole situation unlike himself.</p>
<p>"Yah! Why is everyone so mean to me today?" he said and made a sad face. Rocky wanted to ask who else had been <cite>mean</cite> but didn't dare to make any sound that could draw MJ's attention to him.</p>
<p>"Whatever, I'm leaving." MJ got up and left the kitchen without another glance at Rocky or Eunwoo. Rocky let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding.</p>
<p>Eunwoo patted Rocky’s thigh. "Relax, okay? I've thought about what you can say. <cite>"The shower water was too hot when I turned it on so it burnt my neck and lately my skin has been very sensitive."</cite> How does something like that sound?" </p>
<p>Rocky smiled and nodded feeling relieved that he had something that sounded fairly true to say. "That sounds good. I shouldn't make a big deal out of it."</p>
<p>"Exactly…" Eunwoo suddenly leaned in so close that his lips almost touched Rocky's ear when he whispered, "Because it won't be the last time you'll have to explain marks on your neck. And who knows, there might be more of them next time... not only on your neck."</p>
<p>Blurry thoughts spun around in Rocky's head, all of them trying to figure out what Eunwoo was referring to even though he knew exactly what his boyfriend meant. Rocky swallowed hard, his hands shaking. Eunwoo smiled proudly at Rocky's reaction and went back to eating his sandwich as if he hadn't just said that.</p>
<p>"It won't... h-happen," Rocky stuttered and gulped once again.</p>
<p>"What?" Eunwoo asked when he swallowed down the food. He looked at Rocky with big innocent eyes but Rocky knew better than to get fooled by them.</p>
<p>"You know what I mean."</p>
<p>"I don't."</p>
<p>"You want me to say it out loud?" Rocky hissed at Eunwoo annoyed.</p>
<p>"Why not? There's no one else here," Eunwoo said and smiled, teasing Rocky.</p>
<p>"Ah, just shut up," Rocky said and nudged Eunwoo in the side with his elbow. He laughed and nudged Rocky back.</p>
<p>“You’re lucky I favor you. If Sanha had told me to shut up… Let’s just say that things would’ve been bad for him,” Eunwoo said.</p>
<p>“Yeah, sure. Don’t think I believe you. I know how much you like that kid,” Rocky answered with a snort.</p>
<p>“He’s becoming an adult very soon, you know? He won’t be happy to hear that you think of him as a kid,” Eunwoo said with a serious tone in his voice. Rocky felt himself also get serious. Even the atmosphere of the kitchen suddenly got a weighty feel.</p>
<p>“I don’t think of him as a kid. It’s just that… It's hard to accept that he’s not that young teenager anymore. Even if it was cringy, I really liked how confident he was in acting cute and how childish he was.”</p>
<p>Eunwoo stopped eating and just stared at the glass of milk in front of him, thoughts taking him away. Then, he slowly turned his head and looked at Rocky.</p>
<p>“He’s still cute and childish. That part of him will always be there even if other things change. Also, don’t forget that change takes time and you’ve said this yourself, there’s not that much in being an adult. When his birthday finally comes, Sanha will realize that. Don’t bother yourself with this but if you still find yourself thinking about it, talk to Sanha. I think he should know how you’re feeling-”</p>
<p>“No, uh… I won’t talk to him. There’s no need,” Rocky quickly interrupted Eunwoo, who slightly frowned, but then shrugged.</p>
<p>“Okay, you know better. I’m always here if you want to talk…. about anything. I’ll just listen if that’s what you want or I’ll talk and perhaps give you advice if that’s what you want. Just tell me, Rocky. Let’s not hide anything from each other, okay?” Eunwoo put his hands on Rocky's shoulder and turned him. He looked deep into Rocky's dark dreamy eyes. There was something there. Eunwoo saw it. He also felt it because of how Rocky moved under his grip as if he wanted to silently escape. His eyes also drifted away from Eunwoo's to a point behind his shoulder and then back to his eyes.</p>
<p>"Is there something you want to tell me?" Eunwoo asked softly with a tone as light as a feather. He didn't want to force Rocky, but he also really wanted him to open up. It wasn't good to bottle it up, whatever there was that could be bothering him.</p>
<p>Rocky froze but not in a way where you tense up instead, rather in a calm way. “There isn’t, but if there ever would be, you’ll really listen to me without getting mad... or disappointed or sad?” Rocky asked looking straight into Eunwoo’s eyes.</p>
<p>Eunwoo got surprised and loads of questions filled his head. <cite>Could there be something Rocky is hiding that will make me mad? Something that can make me disappointed?</cite></p>
<p>Eunwoo felt himself get worried. Rocky was his reliable rock that helped him and supported him in his hard times. Eunwoo couldn’t stop himself from complaining and whining to Rocky about his tiring day in the middle of the night when Rocky was the only one awake because he had waited for him to come back. Eunwoo couldn’t help but feel happy that Rocky wasn’t sleeping. Eunwoo was selfish for never offering Rocky to tell him about his problems when they had spent several nights not even three years ago like that together. Eunwoo had just thought that Rocky was as hard and solid as a rock. He thought that there wasn’t anything at all that could bother him. It had been so wrong by him yet he still thought like that. It was weird and unusual for him to be the reliable rock instead of Rocky. But things were different now. He had to get out of that small bubble.</p>
<p>“I promise you that I’ll never get mad, disappointed, or sad while listening to you. I promise you. I’m always here for you from now on,” Eunwoo told Rocky sincerely even though he knew it wasn’t a good promise. It was risky and unstable. There was no going back now though. He had promised and a promise should be kept no matter what. Rocky knew this too and he chose to believe that Eunwoo would keep that promise.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>When I wrote Euwnoo's dream I got inspired by rockydimples' fanfiction Can I be your one. All of their works are great so take some time to check them out!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Exposed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"I've been thinking about something today," he explained, wearing a serious expression. Rocky's heart skipped a beat without any particular reason. Unless… he had an idea of what Moonbin had been thinking about. He hoped he was wrong.<br/>"Well, go on and tell me." Rocky was shocked at how nonchalant he managed to sound.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello<br/>I'm so so sorry for the delay of this chapter. First, it was the studying, then I got so sick I kind of thought I had gotten the coronavirus because I had all the symptoms except one. When I got better I simply chose to spend time on other things because I felt like I had lost all the inspiration to write. Now I know how I want to end this story but I'm not quite sure how many more chapters there will be until the ending. Thank you for coming back, hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Wow, you were great Eunwoo! You must have practiced hard last night," Jinjin told Eunwoo when they danced through the choreography without music and only Rocky's firm voice counting from one to eight each step. It had filled the practice room's every corner, distracting Eunwoo because of how it made him feel like Rocky stood right behind him, counting the numbers in his ear. It was odd but Eunwoo shivered at the imagination. </p>
<p>As if his voice wasn’t distracting enough there was Rocky himself. His focused gaze and his flexible and muscular body covered in a white t-shirt tucked in his black Adidas trousers that he often wore for practice made Eunwoo want to just sit down and stare at him dancing. Eunwoo saw the way he moved in the corner of his eye and it was more than enough to make him breathless. It wasn't the first time Rocky affected Eunwoo like this at practice and it definitely wouldn't be the last.</p>
<p>Somehow Eunwoo had just managed to dance through the whole song without making mistakes or having too sloppy moves. So now he smiled at Jinjin while wiping off some sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand.</p>
<p>“Yeah, it’s thanks to Rocky,” Eunwoo said with a <cite>very</cite> soft voice, a too soft voice actually. Jinjin gave him a look, one Eunwoo couldn't quite make out. Jinjin hummed and glanced towards Rocky and then back at Eunwoo who was blushing over how easily he could be read by their leader, who knew him too well.</p>
<p>Eunwoo attempted to clear his throat as if to tell Jinjin he didn't just visually soften and melt at the thought of Rocky and last night, but it was too dry and only resulted in him almost choking. Jinjin quickly went to grab his bottle of water and came back, handing it to Eunwoo, gesturing for him to drink with a worried expression on his face.</p>
<p>From the other side of the room, Rocky watched how Eunwoo tilted his head back and swallowed down the water. He felt his own throat becoming dry because of the way Eunwoo’s long neck with his outstanding Adam's apple was covered with shiny sweat drops and completely exposed, exposed for kisses.</p>
<p>Next to Rocky, Sanha sat. He followed his hyung's gaze and sighed sadly. Of course Rocky was staring at Eunwoo.</p>
<p>“Hyung, do you want some?” Sanha asked Rocky and tried to not sound as bitter and toxic as he was feeling.</p>
<p>Rocky turned his head to look at Sanha. He instantly smiled brightly and took the small bag of sour candies while accidentally brushing his fingers against Sanha’s. A small contact like that easily made Sanha’s nerves all tense.</p>
<p>Rocky shoved a few in his mouth while mumbling a small thanks to Sanha, completely unaware of all the different emotions exploding inside of the one-year-old younger.</p>
<p>“I heard you went to the gym with Bin hyung earlier,” Rocky suddenly said.</p>
<p>Sanha was surprised that Rocky hadn’t resumed admiring Eunwoo and instead talked to him. “Uh, yeah. It was kind of tough, but Bin hyung was very helpful. I need to work out more often.”</p>
<p>Rocky grabbed Sanha's water bottle that laid next to Rocky’s own and drank. Sanha’s hands started shaking at the thought of himself drinking from the same water bottle. He had that reaction every time they shared indirect kisses... if you even could call it that. However, Sanha wished he could press his lips against Rocky’s instead of a water bottle that Rocky’s lips had been on.</p>
<p>“You don’t need to work out more often. I mean, if you don’t want to,” Rocky carefully said. Sanha was growing up and maturing faster than he had expected. Sanha used to never like when they worked out as a part of their diet all six of them. Since last year that started to change. Rocky tried to convince himself that Sanha still would be cute and childish even if he got broad shoulders and muscular arms.</p>
<p>“I think I want to. It takes my mind off… things. I also released some of my stress today," Sanha answered with a small smile. Rocky nodded and smiled back.</p>
<p>“We should work out together sometime then. I promise I’ll be more helpful than Bin hyung plus, I’m more fun,” Rocky offered and pointed at Moonbin who just came back from a restroom break and then back at himself with his thumb.</p>
<p>Sanha laughed. “I doubt you’d be any fun, hyung.”</p>
<p>Rocky glared at Sanha with a dangerous flash in his eyes. Sanha quickly assured he only joked but Rocky was already over him. He sat on top of Sanha and tickled all the sensitive spots he knew, making Sanha scream and laugh. Soon it looked more like a catfight because of the way Sanha tried to grab Rocky’s wrists to stop him.</p>
<p>Eunwoo and Jinjin looked over to the maknae line. Jinjin just smiled fondly at them. Eunwoo also started smiling the longer he looked at Rocky’s happy face lit up with one of his brightest smiles. The ones with almost all of his perfect teeth visible together with those cute dimples. Sanha’s screams mixed with Rocky’s laugh made a warm feeling grow inside of Eunwoo.</p>
<p>Moonbin was standing behind them but slowly made his way around the two boys who were entangled in a mess of arms and legs while holding up his phone and giggling.</p>
<p><br/>
</p>
<p>Moonbin pulled Rocky up and gave him his hoodie laying at the bottom in his sports bag while gesturing for Rocky to put it on. He said they'd go get the food from one of the restaurants down the street and that he'd pay this time. Before anyone had a chance to thank him or say anything more Moonbin took Rocky's hand and walked out of the practice room with their jackets in Moonbin's other hand. </p>
<p>Eunwoo clenched his fists and let out a shaking breath.</p>
<p>
  <cite>Moonbin shouldn't be holding Rocky's hand like that... What am I thinking? It must be jealousy at its finest.</cite>
</p>
<p>Eunwoo almost started laughing at himself. He shouldn't be comparing his and Rocky's relationship with the two boys who had known each other for nine years. They were like real brothers, they could hold hands as much as they wanted. Besides, Rocky only loved Eunwoo and he was now his boyfriend.</p>
<p><br/>
</p>
<p>When they left the building and started to walk slowly down the street Moonbin put an arm over Rocky's shoulder. He sighed and looked up at the dark evening sky.</p>
<p>"It's hard to get time for ourselves when we live with four other guys and have busy schedules almost all the time, isn't it?" Moonbin said with a small pout that Rocky didn't catch because of staring at his feet. He hummed in agreement and nodded.</p>
<p>"I barely see you at home, Rocky. You're always at the practice room, aren't you?"</p>
<p>"You're right. But if you know I'm always in the practice room, why do you never come? It's been so long since we danced together. You know, the way we used to," Rocky said. He missed dancing and hanging out alone with his best friend. They used to spend so much time together when they trained. Even though everything had been so tough and hard those years, Moonbin's company and support had made things easier, better.</p>
<p>"You know that I'd love to dance the way we used to. I doubt we'll have a chance any time soon though. So how about you stay at the dorm more often so that I can invite you out on walks like this?" Moonbin said and winked at Rocky who laughed and pushed him away.</p>
<p>"Since when did you become so cheesy, hyung? You know you can just say, <cite>"I missed you,"</cite> without all that talking," Rocky said teasingly. Moonbin pushed back and also laughed.</p>
<p>With Moonbin everything felt different for Rocky. Almost like the way he felt butterflies while nervous sweat drops crawled over his skin when he was with Eunwoo, but instead of feeling nervous he felt comfortable and at ease in a way he only did with him.</p>
<p>Suddenly Moonbin cleared his throat and stopped. "I've been thinking about something today," he explained, wearing a serious expression. Rocky's heart skipped a beat without any particular reason. Unless… He had an idea of what Moonbin had been thinking about. He hoped he was wrong.</p>
<p>"Well, go on and tell me." Rocky was surprised at how nonchalant he managed to sound.</p>
<p>"Okay, I'm going to be very straightforward," Moonbin said and stared into Rocky's eyes. Then, his gaze drifted downwards from Rocky's face. Rocky almost gasped loudly when he understood what Moonbin was looking at even though it probably wasn't visible right now because of his jacket's collar.</p>
<p>Rocky felt the cold air go through his jacket, clothes, and lay itself over his skin. He shivered. It was as if time had slowed down when he watched Moonbin's mouth open. Rocky held his breath and tried to calm himself. The sound of his loud heartbeat pulsed through his ears.</p>
<p>"Is there something between you and Eunwoo?"</p>
<p>Moonbin hadn't even finished the sentence when Rocky blurted out, "What? W-what do you mean something between me and Eunwoo hyung?"</p>
<p>It was hard to hide the panic from his voice and his face was surely giving him away. Moonbin raised his eyebrows and then pulled down the collar of Rocky's jacket.</p>
<p>"I heard the explanation you gave to Jinjin hyung, our poor hyung who was worried for nothing. It did sound believable at first and it is a possible scenario, but Rocky, I know you. I know you better than anyone." Moonbin paused and let go of Rocky's jacket.</p>
<p>"You were with Eunwoo the whole night. You practiced and then, I heard you fell asleep together. That's why I'm asking if something happened between you. The bruises on your neck, or should I be more specific and say <cite>hickey</cite>, must be from Eunwoo."</p>
<p>Rocky felt like the air was blown out of him. He didn't know if he should give in and admit it or try to somehow convince Moonbin that he was wrong.</p>
<p>
  <cite>If we get exposed by one member in less than twenty-four hours, how long will it take for all of them and maybe even the company to find out?</cite>
</p>
<p>Rocky was trying to think of what Eunwoo would do but his brain wasn’t responding.</p>
<p>"Bin hyung, do you realize how ridiculous you sound? Why would I get a hickey from Eunwoo hyung? Jeez…" Rocky rolled his eyes and started to walk away.</p>
<p>After a few seconds, he heard Moonbin follow, and soon he was back to his side.</p>
<p>"I thought we promised each other to never hide anything," Moonbin said, disappointment dripping from his voice.</p>
<p>Rocky felt terrible. He had broken their promise. A promise they made long ago and one he was sure he'd never break. But who was he kidding? He had broken it since the moment he fell in love with Eunwoo and kept silent about it. But being in love with a <cite>guy</cite> and not any guy but the guy that was a member of their group wasn't something he could tell just because he had promised to never hide anything. And now that he and Eunwoo were together it was definitely not <cite>anything</cite> he could just tell.</p>
<p>"I'm not hiding anything from you, hyung-"</p>
<p>"Rocky, stop! Just… stop. Don't say anything more, okay? The fact that you're even telling me that you're not hiding- let's just not talk about this right now. We'll get the food, go back to the practice room, and pretend that we didn't talk about this, okay? I don't want to argue and both of us know we don't want me to get mad, right?" Moonbin's usually soft voice was hard as stone and felt like a sharp sword cutting through Rocky. Moonbin wasn’t so honest himself though. Rocky knew he was already mad.</p>
<p>Without another word, Moonbin walked away with fast steps leaving Rocky in bleeding pieces.</p>
<p><br/>
</p>
<p>Rocky didn't want to eat, correction, he couldn't eat. He wasn't given a choice though when Moonbin kept nagging at him.</p>
<p>"Come on, open up!"</p>
<p>Rocky stared at the rice and meat stapled over each other like a mess of food in Moonbin’s small spoon coming closer to his mouth. Unwillingly, he opened his mouth and couldn't stop himself from grimacing when he felt the taste. Not that it was bad, he just had a feeling that he could throw up anything that got down in his stomach right now.</p>
<p>He felt worse when he saw Moonbin's smile. It looked so genuine...</p>
<p>Suddenly Rocky was irritated at how easily his best friend could pretend that nothing had happened. Moonbin didn't even have the right to be mad or disappointed or whatever he was. After the things Moonbin had said, Rocky should have gotten mad at <cite>him</cite> for being so stubborn over such a sensitive topic. What if Rocky hadn't loved Eunwoo? What if he hadn't gotten that hickey from a guy?</p>
<p>Moonbin hadn't just outed the person Rocky loved but also the <cite>gender</cite>. It felt weird for Rocky to even think that he was into boys as well as girls. He never knew until he met Eunwoo and that was what made him believe that maybe Euwnoo was the only boy he'd ever love that way. He couldn't imagine himself liking any other guy anyway. Not when Cha Eunwoo was existing and loving him back.</p>
<p>At the thought of him, Rocky looked up at Eunwoo, who was sitting across from him and eating well. It seemed like he enjoyed the food. Rocky relaxed and felt a tiny bit better.</p>
<p>Eunwoo must have felt his gaze because he also looked up. He gave Rocky a warm smile and to Rocky's surprise, he got up, took his food with him, and sat down next to Rocky, forcing MJ to scoot away. Rocky didn't need to look away from Eunwoo's beautiful face to see if Moonbin was watching. He knew very well that Moonbin was observing every second.</p>
<p>"How are you feeling?" Eunwoo asked softly.</p>
<p>Rocky shook his head and gave him a small smile. "To be honest I feel like throwing up," he answered.</p>
<p>A worried expression took over Eunwoo's face and he pulled Rocky up to his feet and started leading him out while explaining how he should wash his face and drink something. Rocky tried to argue against Eunwoo, but the only thing he repeated was that the food would get cold. Eunwoo didn't seem to be listening to Rocky's weak argument since he led him to the restrooms with determined steps.</p>
<p><br/>
</p>
<p>Eunwoo watched with his mind in a complete haze as the water drops rolled down Rocky’s sharp facial features as he stood bent forward splashing cold water in his face. </p>
<p>Eunwoo saw Rocky move but his mind didn’t register it until Rocky was in front of him, face a few centimeters from his and large hands squeezed his shoulders getnly.</p>
<p>“Better?” Eunwoo asked when he finally shook himself awake. Rocky shrugged trying to hide a smile.</p>
<p>“Not really, but a kiss could make me feel better,” he whispered.</p>
<p>Eunwoo rolled his eyes but smiled at Rocky feeling amused that his boyfriend was so needy. “And if someone walks in? We’re in the company, in a public restroom, you know?” Eunwoo said only to tease Rocky and make him more desperate. It seemed to be working since Rocky groaned loudly.</p>
<p>“Only a quick one,” he whined, closed his eyes and tilted his head back.</p>
<p>Eunwoo laughed a little. He quickly looked back at the door and silently prayed that no one would walk in before he put one hand around Rocky’s neck and the other on his chest as he kissed him softly. As much as he would've loved to keep kissing him, someone could come in, and to be caught kissing was the last thing they wanted.</p>
<p>Rocky slowly opened his eyes and smiled a lovely smile making Eunwoo’s heart flutter.</p>
<p>“Now I feel much better,” Rocky confirmed.</p>
<p><br/>
</p>
<p>“Bin hyung is mad at me,” Rocky suddenly said when they were walking back to the practice room. Eunwoo stopped and looked at Rocky, trying to keep his face expressionless to hide the confusion and worry that instantly built up inside of him.</p>
<p>“He knows about us. I didn’t know what to do, so I tried to deny it. He got mad because he thinks I’m hiding the truth which means that I broke our promise of never hiding anything from each other. Then, he said that we should pretend that nothing happened and I can’t do that. I just can’t do that even though he seems to not have any problems at all with pretending that everything is fine between us,” Rocky whispered with his head bent down and eyes on his feet. His vision started to get blurry, so he quickly blinked away the tears before Eunwoo could see them.</p>
<p>Rocky heard Eunwoo sigh. They both stayed silent for a few long seconds that felt like minutes.</p>
<p>“Hyung, what do I do?” Rocky looked up at Eunwoo with a pleading and desperate look in his eyes. Eunwoo slowly shook his head and sighed again. He reached out and took Rocky’s hand and gave it a light squeeze.</p>
<p>“I’ll figure something out. For now, try to pretend together with Binnie. That’ll be the only way to avoid another conversation about us and if you have to, avoid him discreetly. Just don’t… don’t let yourself feel hurt or sad” Eunwoo paused and tried to swallow down the lump that was growing thicker in his throat with every passing second. He could feel his heartbeat harshly in his chest. It almost hurt.</p>
<p>“Because I can’t take that. I won’t-”</p>
<p>“Hyung-”</p>
<p>“I won’t just watch and do nothing. Not when it comes to you. So no matter what happens and no matter what the consequences could be, I’ll not stay silent if you get hurt."</p>
<p>The sincerity in Eunwoo's eyes and in his voice was more than enough to make Rocky's eyes water again. He felt thankful and relieved but more than everything he felt love, an infinity of love for Eunwoo. Rocky squeezed Eunwoo's hand back and nodded.</p>
<p>"I won't feel hurt or sad. I'll pretend that everything is fine between me and Bin hyung and if I have to I'll avoid him discreetly. Meanwhile, you'll come up with something," Rocky said to reassure and calm Eunwoo, but it sounded more like he was mumbling phrases he was trying to memorize.</p>
<p>"Good, now let's go back," Eunwoo said with a big smile that lifted some weight off of Rocky's shoulders.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks for reading!<br/>Remember to keep good hygiene and don't go to crowded places!<br/>stay safe everyone.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Walls</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Soft lips briefly touched Rocky's. Then his cheeks, the tip of his nose, his closed eyes and his forehead. Between every kiss, there was a whisper. It was the same words being repeated but with more and more emotion behind them. <cite>I love you. I love you so much.</cite> Those were the words.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi!<br/>Another busy week up ahead for me, yay :( I hope everyone's doing good and taking care of themselves.<br/>This chapter has a lot of angst but also some comfort. When I wrote this I realized how wrong I must be about the schedules and habits of Astro hahaha<br/>By the way, please listen to Rocky and Umut's cover of Taeyang's song Eyes, nose, lips. It's on Soundcloud.<br/>Love you all and thanks for reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He had a feeling this would be a mistake and that regret would follow, but yet he took a deep breath and put his hand over the door handle to Moonbin’s shared room with Jinjin, knowing Moonbin was alone in there since Jinjin was cuddling on the couch with MJ while Sanha was the usual third wheel next to them, probably playing games on his phone. </p>
<p>Eunwoo hesitated. He would rather sneak into Rocky’s room since he also was alone. One hour had passed since they came back from practice and three since the last time he and Rocky were alone together, yet Eunwoo was already missing him madly. With difficulties, Eunwoo forced down the lingering feeling of longing for Rocky’s touch and scent. He had told Rocky that he would come up with something. He couldn’t let this mess drag out. But Eunwoo was scared that what he was about to do could make the mess worse.</p>
<p>Shaky, he entered the room and his eyes instantly focused on the figure laying on his stomach in his bed. Moonbin was watching something on his phone. It seemed like he hadn’t noticed Eunwoo, not even when he closed the door behind him. He was very focused on whatever it was he was watching.</p>
<p>Eunwoo winced when Moonbin suddenly started giggling. Slowly, Eunwoo started moving closer and caught a glimpse of what occupied Moonbin’s screen. It was a video recorded on his phone. A video of Rocky. The volume was low but Eunwoo could still hear Rocky’s happy laugh and he didn’t miss the big smile on Rocky’s face that seemed to light up the screen just like it lit up Eunwoo’s heart.</p>
<p>“What’s that?” Eunwoo asked. Moonbin quickly sat up and threw his phone to the side. Just as quickly, he smiled and relaxed.</p>
<p>“You scared me a little,” he said.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Eunwoo mumbled and sat down on the bed next to Moonbin. He was looking at Moonbin’s phone that laid face down. Eunwoo could tell the video was still playing because of the light and slight change in colors that reflected on the bedsheet.</p>
<p>Moonbin followed Eunwoo’s gaze and reached out to grab his phone. He locked it and the screen went black before Eunwoo could see more of the video.</p>
<p>“It was just a video of Rocky I took… A-an old one. My gallery was almost full so I had to go through it and delete some things, t-that’s all,” he explained while scratching his neck like he always did when he was nervous. Moonbin rarely stuttered when he talked, but he had now which meant that he definitely was nervous. Eunwoo could sense how the atmosphere between them got awkward which also rarely happened.</p>
<p>"Were you going to delete that? The video of Rocky?" Eunwoo asked carefully. He couldn't help but feel slightly terrified of Moonbin's answer.</p>
<p>"No, of course not... never."</p>
<p>Moonbin's answer calmed Eunwoo but something in his voice and in his eyes when he said it made Eunwoo anxious. He had to destroy the small wall that had gotten built up between Rocky and Moonbin. Their love for each other was too pure and strong. They shouldn't be doing this to themselves when they both know how devastated they'll get.</p>
<p>“So, there’s something I want to talk about… Uhm… not really something but <cite>someone</cite>,” Eunwoo said. He could feel sweat break out on the back of his neck and on the palm of his hands. There was no going back now so he had to do the acting perfectly to convince Moonbin.</p>
<p><br/>
</p>
<p>The more he looked at the silly and pretty photos of his best friend, the sadder he felt. Rocky closed his eyes and put his phone away. He sighed. Ever since they came back to the dorm the same thoughts were haunting him. </p>
<p>Moonbin wouldn’t hate him, right? But what if he did? How could Rocky live with himself then? He should have told him. He should have told him that he was together with Eunwoo and begged for forgiveness for hiding it from him. Moonbin would have understood if he told him how scared and anxious he was about anyone finding out because of the consequences his stupid heart loving Eunwoo could have. It was tiring to think about the mess they were in. Not a too complicated one that could be fixed fairly easily, but at the same time a very complicated one that Eunwoo also was dragged into and that would get more complicated if they kept trying to hide it.</p>
<p><cite>That’s it.</cite> Rocky knew what he had to do. But first, he should talk to Eunwoo.</p>
<p>With fast steps, he walked out of his room and into the living room.</p>
<p>“Where’s Eunwoo hyung?” he asked. Neither MJ nor Jinjin seemed to have heard him because of whatever they were watching on a phone under the blanket that they had wrapped around, and over themselves.</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Sanha said without looking up from his phone.</p>
<p>Rocky sighed in frustration. He started walking towards Eunwoo’s room at the end of the hallway but when he passed Moonbin and Jinjin’s room he stopped. He didn’t know what took over him when he knocked and stepped inside. Everything happened so fast he didn’t have a chance to think.</p>
<p>He froze when he saw Eunwoo sitting next to Moonbin on the bed and their shoulders touching. They both looked up. Eunwoo looked surprised while Moonbin looked... annoyed. It stung inside of Rocky to see that look on Moonbin’s face and to know it was directed to him.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry. I… uh... I need to talk to Eunwoo hyung. It’s urgent,” Rocky said, his eyes drifting back and forth between the floor and the two sitting so closely on the bed.</p>
<p>“Eunwoo was just about to tell me something, but if it’s so urgent you two should talk first,” Moonbin said and got up from the bed. He walked right past Rocky without looking at him and stepping around making it obvious how desperate he was to not touch him.</p>
<p>It hurt. It hurt really bad, Rocky realized. Especially when he couldn't remember Moonbin ever avoiding contact with him. The warmth from Moonbin's hand on his back or on his shoulder was something Rocky had gotten so used to there was a higher chance of him forgetting the whole choreography to All night than forgetting Moonbin's touch and the safe feeling it brought.</p>
<p>If he didn’t do anything right now, he wouldn’t be able to last another second without crying. Maybe Eunwoo somehow knew or maybe he saw it in Rocky’s eyes because two steps and less than a complete second was all it took for him to be in front of Rocky and embrace him into a tight hug. Eunwoo didn’t even care about the wide-open door that made them perfectly visible to the others while he stroke Rocky’s back in slow motions and in a repeating pattern.</p>
<p><br/>
</p>
<p>“Not hiding anything, yeah sure,” Moonbin mumbled under his breath when he sat down next to Sanha on the couch. Surprised, Sanha looked up from his phone and stared at Moonbin.</p>
<p>“Did you say something?” he asked, confused. Moonbin shook his head and snorted with his eyes glued to the other side of the room. Sanha curiously followed his gaze. He almost dropped his phone when he saw them. In the hallway with all their rooms, the door to the only room that could be seen from the living room was wide open. Eunwoo was hugging and stroking Rocky's back. Sanha’s breath got caught in his throat and he wasn’t even surprised when he felt it. He felt that hand clenching his heart. He felt it more often lately. Sanha was used to it but it still hurt as much as the first time and every other time.</p>
<p>“What are they doing?” he heard someone ask. But who? Who would ask that?</p>
<p>“What do you mean? They're hugging, obviously,” Moonbin answered, looking directly at Sanha. He couldn’t understand why Moonbin looked at him while answering, it wasn’t like he was the one who- Then it hit Sanha. He had been the one who had asked. Sanha felt dizzy.</p>
<p><cite>What’s going on with me?</cite> He asked himself. How could he not even recognize his own voice?</p>
<p>“Or were you wondering why they’re hugging? You know we can hug each other whenever we want without any particular reason. Just like right now. I want to hug you without having a reason,” Moonbin said with a smile and put his strong arms around Sanha, trying to pull him closer while Sanha was using all his strength to get away.</p>
<p>Through laughs and screams, they ended up over MJ and Jinjin who looked very unhappy for being disturbed.</p>
<p><br/>
</p>
<p>Soft lips briefly touched Rocky's. Then his cheeks, the tip of his nose, his closed eyes, and his forehead. Between every kiss, there was a whisper. It was the same words being repeated but with more and more emotion behind them. <cite>I love you. I love you so much.</cite> Those were the words. Simple, but yet so powerful. They meant so much for him. They meant the world. Kisses pressed just as softly as before on his ten knuckles on his hands made Rocky's heart skip several beats while small flowers slowly bloomed inside his chest. </p>
<p>Eunwoo wanted to fly up and bring down the sky for him. Only for him. "Cry. Don't keep it inside. Cry on my shoulder and then wipe your tears on my sleeve," Eunwoo whispered with his forehead now pressed against Rocky's while he held Rocky's hands in a tender grip.</p>
<p>They were sitting on the bed in Eunwoo's room where they had made an escape to when the others were distracted. At the back of his mind, Eunwoo kept thinking about the others and that they would surely find out after this. He felt worried about their questions and reactions.</p>
<p>There was always something he could come up with, but if hiding their relationship meant that Rocky and Moombin's friendship would get ruined and maybe even with the others, he wouldn't want to hide it. Of course, he wouldn't force Rocky to keep it secret. No, they would tell the members together, and hopefully, they'd understand and support them. Besides, it was very likely that MJ and Jinjin had feelings for each other, so at least they'd definitely understand.</p>
<p>Rocky let himself cry. Hot tears slowly rolled down his cheeks. His whole body was shaking and he let out small sobs.</p>
<p>Eunwoo's heart ached and he furrowed his eyebrows so hard his head hurt. In a fast movement, he put his arms around Rocky's waist and drew him closer. They held onto each so hard someone would believe they thought the other was a life preserver. Somehow Eunwoo managed to hold him tighter and tighter every time he felt Rocky jolt, but it wasn't enough to stop his shaking.</p>
<p>That made Eunwoo think that maybe he'd never be enough for Rocky. How could he be after the things Rocky had done for him, not to mention all the traits only he had, the ones that made Eunwoo fall for him? Reliable, mature, supporting, patient, funny, beautiful, strong, but yet sensitive and soft and so talented in everything. Dancing, rapping, singing, sports, cooking, drawing, making choreography and teaching it, and more. Rocky was also so impressive, from his flexible body to his special skills in dancing and taekwondo. Would Eunwoo ever be enough for someone so perfect? The only thing that stood out on him was his face.</p>
<p>"Thank you, Eunwoo hyung. You know how I can be. Without you, I wouldn't have been able to go through this", Rocky said and calmed Eunwoo and his chaotic mind.</p>
<p>Rocky had stopped shaking and sobbing but Eunwoo felt his shoulder get wetter which meant that tears were still falling from those beautiful dark eyes.</p>
<p>"I know you're sensitive, but I also know how strong and independent you are. Rocky, I believe you can go through anything. The only thing I can do is to perhaps make it easier," Eunwoo said and kissed Rocky's shoulder. As inappropriate as it was to think a thought like that in this situation, Eunwoo wished his lips would've met Rocky's smooth skin instead of the fabric of his t-shirt. The thought made the butterflies inside of him go crazy.</p>
<p><br/>
</p>
<p>Moonbin noticed what Sanha was looking at. It wasn’t the TV in front of them that played a boring movie that Jinjin seemed to enjoy. The door to his room where Eunwoo and Rocky had been a few minutes earlier was now closed. However, Moonbin knew they weren't in there, but it seemed like Sanha didn't. </p>
<p>Moonbin leaned closer to Sanha and whispered in his ear, “Rocky said he needed to talk to Eunwoo urgently. They’re probably talking right now and since it was urgent I guess it was serious.” Moonbin didn’t guess it was serious. He knew. And it was about him.</p>
<p>Sanha frowned and turned his head towards Moonbin, but quickly moved backward when their noses almost touched. Moonbin raised his eyebrows at him. Sanha awkwardly cleared his throat and looked down on his hands.</p>
<p>“I didn’t ask.” Sanha’s voice sounded weak and pathetic, totally betraying him when he was supposed to seem confident and unbothered. He sighed.</p>
<p>“Actually, I'm a little worried. Is something troubling Rocky hyung?” Sanha asked and looked at Moonbin with big eyes. Guilt nibbled Moonbin’s inwards when he answered that he didn’t know.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry though. Eunwoo will comfort him well and Rocky knows that since Eunwoo was the one he turned towards,” Moonbin continued.</p>
<p>“I would comfort him too.” The words just left Sanha’s mouth before he could stop himself.</p>
<p>“Of course you would. I’m sure Rocky just doesn’t want to worry you with his problems,” Moonbin said, staring at the TV without really registering what the screen was showing.</p>
<p>“But I’m mature now. I wouldn’t worry too much and I’d listen well and comfort him well-”</p>
<p>“Look, Sanha, this is how I see it, Rocky feels like he has a responsibility to take care of you and make you happy more than the others because he thinks he can’t support you as much when he’s only a year older. It’s set in his brain that you’re too young and should never worry or burden yourself with anything. But then, why do you even <cite>care</cite> if he so willingly wants Eunwoo to comfort him?” </p>
<p>Moonbin had gotten more and more annoyed the more they talked about this. It ended up with him not bothering to have a nice tone. But he also felt guilty when he realized he had hissed at Sanha. “Sorry,” he mumbled without really meeting Sanha’s eyes.</p>
<p>He got up from the couch and walked to the kitchen with heavy and shameful steps. Shame for what had happened now and shame for how he had hurt Rocky. He was so stupid. He should have apologized to Rocky when he calmed down, but he was so hurt that such an important part of their friendship wasn’t respected by Rocky. Rocky should know how open-minded Moonbin was. He should know Moonbin wouldn’t judge his best friend for liking a guy no matter who it was. He should not have felt the need to hide it from him. But at the same time, Moonbin couldn't actually be one hundred percent sure that Rocky and Eunwoo were together. That's why he felt so stupid. Getting mad at Rocky instead of staying calm and supportive was his biggest mistake that led to where they were now. Aside from the walls between the rooms in their dorm, there was surely another one between them now.</p>
<p><br/>
</p>
<p>Jinjin had heard Sanha and Moonbin’s conversation. It wasn't a big surprise since he was literally sitting right beside Sanha while MJ was sleeping with his head resting on Jinjin’s lap. </p>
<p>Jinjin’s hypothesis wasn’t so ridiculous after all. That wild guess wasn’t so wild after all. He could be right, judging from their conversation and the way Sanha acted. But he was more worried about whatever Rocky was going through. Something had happened recently. He was sure Rocky wasn’t so moody earlier today. It was after dinner that Jinjin noticed the sad, secret glances he took of Moonbin. But at the same time, they had talked every now and then and seemed fine, normal. Now Jinjin was sure that something was going on. As the leader of the group, he had to find out.</p>
<p>“Sanha, don’t mind Bin, okay? And don’t worry about Rocky. I’ll find out if there’s something troubling him,” Jinjin said and patted Sanha’s head. Sanha giggled and rolled his eyes at the gesture but slowly scooted closer to Jinjin until he could rest his head on his shoulder. Sanha closed his eyes and let himself drift away to sleep in the comforting scent of Jinjin.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So basically Rocky is super soft and loves his Bin hyung so much and of course, so does Bin. That's why they're very affected.<br/>I hope you liked this chapter.<br/>Stay safe!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Resolved</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Moonbin sighed when he heard the light feather steps that could only belong to one person in their dorm halt to a stop.<br/>“Minhyuk, we need to talk,” he said without turning around shocking Rocky at how he had known it was him.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi!<br/>I'll hopefully post the next chapter very soon, I can't promise anything but I'll try.<br/>So I wrote a heated scene between Eunwoo and Rocky and I don't know if it's too much or just badly written. If you're uncomfortable skip that part. Actually, it's just mostly kissing but still...<br/>Did you guys know that we might get a comeback soon?! Just in case please prepare by collecting chamsims in Idol champ and tokens in Starplay. We want to give Astro their second win, right??<br/>Oh and if you have time please vote for Rocky as the best male kpop idol dancer on the website king choice. You can vote ten times every hour.<br/>Sorry if I'm annoying trying to promote lol. Hope you like this chapter and stay safe!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eunwoo guessed that maybe an hour had passed since Rocky had washed his face and crawled under the blanket of Eunwoo’s bed without saying anything. Eunwoo soon followed after changing his shirt that had gotten soaked with Rocky’s tears and his own cold sweat. He brushed his teeth but didn't care about doing his usual skin routine. </p>
<p>While in bed they talked and slowly Rocky drifted off to sleep as he listened to Eunwoo’s calming voice. The last thing he could remember before blacking out was how Eunwoo put an arm under his head and pulled him closer until Rocky rested his head on Eunwoo’s chest.</p>
<p>Now Eunwoo was still trailing his hand up and down Rocky’s arm that laid lightly over his waist. He could feel Rocky’s chest rise up and down against his side. Finally, Eunwoo closed his eyes and let himself relax, focusing on Rocky’s even breathing. It didn’t last long though. The next minute he heard the door open.</p>
<p>Eunwoo opened his eyes and blinked trying to get used to the white light burning in his eyes after all that time in complete darkness. It was Jinjin. Eunwoo quickly shook his head and put a finger up to his mouth.</p>
<p>Jinjin’s eyes danced between Rocky and Eunwoo for a few dragged out seconds until he nodded with a perfect poker face not showing any emotions at all.</p>
<p>
  <cite>“Let’s talk tomorrow,”<cite> he mouthed to Eunwoo who nodded in response. Then, Jinjin switched off the lights and closed the door.</cite></cite>
</p>
<p>
  <cite>
    <cite>Yes, they would talk tomorrow. All of them. It would go well, hopefully. It had to because Eunwoo didn’t want to see Rocky crying ever again, not even out of joy. He only wanted to see his smile and hear his laugh. Rocky’s smile was so beautiful Eunwoo would never get tired of it anyway. He sighed and eventually fell asleep. </cite>
  </cite>
</p>
<p><br/>
</p>
<p>There was a movement, barely noticeable but enough to wake Eunwoo from his light and worried sleep. Eunwoo felt oddly cold but shook the feeling off and tried to carefully move but froze when he realized he couldn’t feel Rocky next to him. That explained why he felt so cold. Rocky’s body wasn’t there to envelop him with the warmth it radiated. </p>
<p>Eunwoo sat up and almost fell when he stumbled out of the bed. Suddenly, the lights switched on and stopped Eunwoo from running straight into a wall.</p>
<p>“Hyung?” Rocky’s usual firm and deep voice sounded weak and tired. Eunwoo blinked.</p>
<p>“I woke you up, didn’t I? Sorry…” Rocky scratched the top of his head and looked down. Eunwoo relaxed and smiled, his eyes barely open.</p>
<p>“It’s okay. Why did you get up though? Is something wrong? You’re okay, right?” Eunwoo walked up to Rocky and stared at him while struggling to open his eyes that were still half-closed. He was trying to stay cool and collected, but it was obvious how worried he was.</p>
<p>Rocky looked up at Eunwoo and giggled, calming Eunwoo and confirming that he was okay. Suddenly, Rocky grabbed Eunwoo’s face and pulled him down to the same eye-level as himself. He pressed a lazy kiss on Eunwoo’s lips and mumbled how cute he found him when he was sleepy before pulling away and licking his lips. For Rocky, Eunwoo’s lips didn’t really have a taste, they just simply tasted Eunwoo, Rocky’s home, and his love. Rocky didn’t want to taste anything else, he loved just that.</p>
<p>The thought and the lingering feeling of Eunwoo’s lips against his made a strong desire to grow inside of him. It was always there when he was with Eunwoo, but Rocky was still shocked at how badly he wanted to kiss Eunwoo again and again and again.</p>
<p>"Now I'm not sleepy," Eunwoo said with a sweet smile. Rocky laughed and apologized but Eunwoo only shook his head, still smiling.</p>
<p>"You should try to go back to sleep, hyung," Rocky said half-heartedly.</p>
<p>Eunwoo opened his mouth to answer but Rocky shut him up with a wet kiss. He easily slid his tongue into Eunwoo's slightly gaping mouth. A shocked gasp escapade Eunwoo but the next second his eyelashes fluttered close in pleasure. He grabbed ahold of Rocky's waist desperately as he kissed back. Eunwoo couldn't stop himself from moaning softly when their tongues slid together. Embarrassed by the sound that had left his throat, he pulled Rocky closer and held him tighter. But Rocky didn't seem to care, instead, Eunwoo even felt him smiling against the kiss.</p>
<p>Turning and twisting their heads in different angles while their noses brushed together, their kisses only got deeper and harder. The desperate desire inside of them was fuelling the now hot air in the room.</p>
<p>Eunwoo slightly pulled away to breathe but the next second he felt Rocky's tongue move inside his mouth again. When Eunwoo felt sharp teeth bite his lower lip hard he gasped loudly. He couldn't hold back another moan when Rocky's hand slowly slid over the back of his neck and into his hair. Eunwoo threw his head back and felt dizzy because of the suddenly satisfying sensations.</p>
<p>It took him a few seconds to realize that Rocky was now attacking his neck. He was very aware of the way Rocky's right hand had clutched a handful of the strands of his hair tightly while his left was resting on Eunwoo's hip.</p>
<p>The trembling moan from Eunwoo was clear and sharp in Rocky’s ears when he bit him and then sucked that spot on his neck hard.</p>
<p>Eunwoo had to use all his force to fall back into reality. He put his hands on Rocky's shoulders and pushed him back. They were both panting and Eunwoo got a flashback of the night in the practice room. It hadn’t even happened two nights ago but one. They had stood like this, staring deep into each other's eyes with red cheeks and quick short breaths. They had been <cite>shirtless</cite> at that moment. Eunwoo couldn’t help but wonder if they were rushing things. Were they too reckless? Were they so full of lust that they had already had two pretty heavy make-out sessions? But on the other hand, were they so in love that their hearts felt like exploding and that their knees barely could hold them up while they were left in a breathless mess afterward? And was it bad? Was it bad that he craved for more?</p>
<p>"You bruised my neck," Eunwoo said with a flat tone, still feeling breathless. Rocky only shrugged, smiling shyly.</p>
<p>"What you should be worried about right now is how loud you were," he said with that shy smile turning into a smug one.</p>
<p>Eunwoo's heated cheeks only got redder and he mumbled that he wasn't <cite>that</cite> loud.</p>
<p>"My throat feels extremely dry. I’ll go drink that water I had planned to. Don't worry, I'll be right back." Rocky winked at him before turning around and casually walking out of the room.</p>
<p>Eunwoo couldn’t believe how some sleep had changed Rocky's mood and led them to this. It was a good thing though. He groaned in regret of how he had forced them to stop and closed his eyes as he let himself fall back on the bed.</p>
<p><br/>
</p>
<p>Rocky didn’t pay any attention to the lights from the kitchen when he walked towards it through the hallway. With his hands pressed against his chest, he could easily feel his loud and fast heartbeat. His mind was replaying his and Eunwoo’s kisses, their touches, and breaths. He could almost feel the heated air and their heated skin. It was surprising how his shattered heart was so happy right now. Eunwoo was his saver, the person who could mend him with a few simple words and a kiss. From now on it would always be like that. And he would do the same for Euwnoo.</p>
<p>When Rocky saw the broad shoulders and the pink hair he instantly knew it was Moonbin sitting by the dining table with his arms resting on the table while he was bent forward. The silly smile on Rocky’s face faded.</p>
<p>Moonbin sighed when he heard the light feather steps that could only belong to one person in their dorm halt to a stop.</p>
<p>“Minhyuk, we need to talk,” he said without turning around shocking Rocky at how he had known it was him.</p>
<p><cite>Minhyuk.</cite> His name echoed in his head. Moonbin rarely called him Minhyuk, only when he was on the verge of tears or when he was the happiest. Rocky doubted Moonbin was the happiest right now which only left him with the other option. He felt like someone had kicked him in the guts. It was hard to breathe and a flash of pain crossed through him when memories of Moonbin in their early teenage years crying in his arms popped up in his sight.</p>
<p>“You’re right, Bin hyung,” Rocky finally forced himself to say. His voice was weak and almost a whisper, but at least he didn’t stutter.</p>
<p>He walked through the kitchen without looking at Moonbin until he sat down across from him with a glass of water on the table. Moonbin looked tired and moody. Fortunately, no trace of tears could be seen in his eyes.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?” Rocky asked his friend.</p>
<p>Moonbin looked down on his hands. Rocky counted the seconds of painful silence up to fourteen until Moonbin sighed and looked up from his hands and into Rocky’s eyes.</p>
<p>“Why are you asking <cite>me</cite>? I should be the one asking you.”</p>
<p>Rocky’s mouth got dry and he grabbed the glass. Moonbin saw Rocky's hands shaking and sighed again. He disliked seeing his best friend like this and the worst thing of it all was that it was his fault.</p>
<p>“Why did you call me Minhyuk?” Rocky asked him when he swallowed the cold water and placed down the glass on the table again.</p>
<p>Moonbin gave him a small smile and shrugged. “Don’t know, just wanted to. It’s funny how that’s what you’re curious about right now.”</p>
<p>Rocky smiled back and also shrugged. “Then what should I be curious about?” he asked, leaning forward a little bit. In response, Moonbin straightened himself and leaned back on the chair. He wanted to seem relaxed even though he was tense. At least that’s how Rocky saw it and he knew he was right. After all, he had known Moonbin for a long time now.</p>
<p>"Me… Us…" Moonbin whispered and blinked a few times, but didn’t look away, not even for a second. He kept staring at Rocky with his intimidating stare, the one where he was very curious and interested in the other person's reaction. So Rocky stayed still and had to try very hard to keep his face straight and not look away from Moonbin’s piercing gaze.</p>
<p>“Us? Curious isn’t the right word. Right now I hate how we are and I’m angry at myself for letting it come to this. But I’m also hurt and I feel stupid, you know, for making the whole thing so big… and worrying Eunwoo hyung-”</p>
<p>“Your Eunwoo hyung isn’t the only one that’s worried,” Moonbin said and rolled his eyes which was an unnecessary gesture, the annoyance in his voice was obvious enough.</p>
<p>Rocky gulped and opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out so he closed it and looked down feeling slightly shameful.</p>
<p>“I heard Jinjin hyung reassure Sanha that he was going to find out what was troubling you. Rocky-ah, I hate to say this, but you’re not so good at acting. Even Sanha who always has a nose up his phone noticed that something was off with you. Especially when he saw Eunwoo hugging you. Though I’m not so sure what’s up with him, he seems jealous about you and Eunwoo being so comfy around each other,” Moonbin finished off with a shrug as if he was talking about the weather or what he planned to do tomorrow. Rocky felt himself get very serious now. He was so done with Moonbin’s nonchalance but at the same time the curiosity crept up inside him. The night was long so, for now, he could let the curiosity win.</p>
<p>“Wait, Sanha is jealous? Of who? Why?” Moonbin laughed a dry laugh and shrugged again.</p>
<p>“I’m not sure, but I have my speculations.”</p>
<p>Rocky frowned and asked, “And those speculations are?”</p>
<p>“They’re not important right now. The truth is, Rocky, I… I want to apologize.” Moonbin softened and flashed a small smile, one that was sincere.</p>
<p>Rocky flinched as if someone was testing his reflexes by clapping in front of his face. “W-what?” he stuttered out.</p>
<p>Moonbin got up, pushed his glasses further up on his nose, and walked around the table. He dragged out the chair next to Rocky and sat down. He looked at him quietly for a few seconds before taking Rocky’s hand. Moonbin squeezed it and pulled to make Rocky focus on him and not their intertwined fingers.</p>
<p>“Don’t say anything, just listen to me, okay?”</p>
<p>Rocky nodded, afraid of how his voice could sound.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry. I was idiotic and mindless by thinking that you would tell me if you and Eunwoo were together so easily. I only thought about myself and didn’t consider how you would react. Of course, you wouldn’t have been able to just casually admit it, I understand that now. I couldn’t help it though, I was dying to know who gave you that hickey. Was it some girl? But who? When had you met her? Then I thought about how you were with Eunwoo the whole night and how you fell asleep with him. I got more curious. I thought, is Eunwoo dating Rocky? Since when? How? I was sure you would tell me, but then you didn’t and I could see how startled and anxious you were trying to hide it. The thought of you hiding something from me, out of all people, made me angry. I didn’t even know what I was saying. How could I even suggest that we should pretend nothing happened? I’m sorry, Rocky. I’m so sorry for being harsh towards you.”</p>
<p>Relief flowed through Rocky and he let out a long sigh. He just stared at the desperate and sorry look on Moonbin’s face for some time before slowly nodding and squeezing his hand back.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry too. I’m sorry for breaking our promise. The thing is, uh… I’ve liked Eunwoo hyung for a very long time now. I didn’t dare to tell anyone, not even you. Besides, I never thought he would feel the same way. The night in the practice room we got together and then decided to hide it.” Rocky had to pause for a few seconds, trying to only focus on his breathing. Then he forced himself to continue, “Bin hyung, I really don’t want to lose him and if anyone else finds out… we might n-not be able to stay together. You know what I mean, r-right?” Rocky’s voice broke and his eyes were shining like the glass on the table because of nervous and scared tears.</p>
<p>“Rocky, you know the others will be happy for you. Yeah, maybe our management shouldn’t know, but the members, they’re different. They’re our family. They wouldn’t do anything that could harm your relationship and they’d understand. It might take some time for them to get used to it, but they’ll support you,” Moonbin said and patted Rocky’s leg with his free hand.</p>
<p>“Eunwoo and I agreed that we should tell everyone tomorrow, but I’m scared of the outcome. I’m really scared, hyung.” Rocky closed his eyes and sighed.</p>
<p>“I think you should tell everyone. It’s better for yourselves too. You won’t feel pressured to seem like friends when we’re all hanging out. You can kiss each other whenever you want, hug each other and whisper how much you love each other. Everything would be so much easier and we all know you two aren’t fools. When it’s necessary you’ll hide your relationship well and no one will notice anything… Unless you have hickeys, then people will know something is up and I don’t think foundation covers it well enough.” Rocky started to laugh quietly and Moonbin instantly fell in the laugh seeming to have forgotten the others were sleeping judging by his loud giggles.</p>
<p>When they heard the familiar sound of the alarm from their dorm’s front door locking they instantly stopped laughing. They looked at each other, their faces reflecting the same look of confusion.</p>
<p>“Did someone just leave?” Rocky asked.</p>
<p>Moonbin frowned. “Since the door closed…”</p>
<p>“Where would they go at this hour?” Rocky asked even though he knew Moonbin couldn’t possibly know anything more than himself. He stood up and pulled Moonbin with him through the kitchen and out to the living room and there it was, the front door.</p>
<p>“It was Sanha,” Rocky said slowly with his eyes locked on the door.</p>
<p>“What? How do you know?”</p>
<p>“His shoes are the only pair missing.”</p>
<p>“I’ll check his room to be sure,” Moonbin said and left Rocky alone.</p>
<p>The lights from the street that shined inside through the large window illuminated the room in a faint golden light. Rocky suddenly felt nauseous. <cite>Why would Sanha leave the dorm in the middle of the night without telling anyone?</cite></p>
<p>“It was him. He’s neither in his bed nor the bathroom,” Moonbin confirmed. </p>
<p>Rocky turned around to look at Moonbin, who appeared as if he had just thrown up, kind of like how Rocky was feeling. But it was all because of the golden light that puts a yellow shadow over his skin.</p>
<p>“Why did he leave without saying anything? He must’ve heard us talking in the kitchen so he could’ve just come in and told us-” Rocky stopped talking at the realization and it seemed like Moonbin had understood too.</p>
<p>“He must’ve heard us,” Moonbin repeated.</p>
<p>“That’s why he left.” Rocky finished their line of thinking, horrified by the whole situation.</p>
<p>“What do we do, hyung?” Rocky asked, trying to stay calm. Moonbin’s eyes wandered back and forth between Rocky and the door behind him. He scratched his neck roughly.</p>
<p>“I’ll go after him. You, stay here. There’s no point in calling Sanha, he left his phone.” Moonbin headed for the door.</p>
<p>“But you’ve got your phone with you?” Rocky asked. Moonbin nodded and started to put his shoes on.</p>
<p>“Shouldn’t I wake the others? What if-”</p>
<p>“No, there’s no point in worrying them, but maybe you should wake Eunwoo. If I don’t find Sanha, I’ll call and then you have to call the manager, okay?” Moonbin put his hands on Rocky’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry, I wll find him. And don't forget that he’s grown up, he knows what he’s doing."</p>
<p>Rocky took a deep breath and nodded, silently watching Moonbin put his jacket.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Pain and the stranger</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sanha was standing so close that Moonbin could see the stormy fire inside of Sanha’s eyes that seemed to be glowing in the dark night.<br/>“If you try to stop me again... you and I will no longer be family.”<br/>Each word felt like a slap to the face leaving a burning pain.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi!<br/>I'm back very soon this time, right? XD<br/>The chapter turned out a little shorter than usual but I hope you'll enjoy anyway.<br/>The main focus here is Sanha and honestly I shocked myself with the sudden turn at the end so I'm curious about what you guys will think!<br/>Remember to keep good hygiene, stay safe everyone!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sanha ran down the dark quiet street as fast as he could hoping his long legs would take him as far away as possible. The cold winter air blew all over him and felt like daggers sticking every centimeter of his body that was only covered in his thin pajamas with those stupid cartoons. </p><p>Maybe if he didn't wear silly and childish pajamas, Rocky would have loved him back. Maybe if his only specialty wasn't to do cringy aegyo, Rocky would have seen how mature he actually was and loved him back. Maybe if his face wasn't cute and instead described as handsome with sharp eye-catching features, Rocky would have stared at him instead. Maybe if he had shown his love and appreciation more, Rocky would have seen him and maybe given up on Eunwoo. If he had known how much Sanha loved him, then maybe he would have given him a chance.</p><p>Sanha ran faster. He hated everything and everyone. Sad and angry tears burned in his eyes and rolled down his cheeks. His vision was blurry and unclear but he still kept running.</p><p>Every shared moment between Eunwoo and Rocky that he had witnessed flashed through his mind on loop while Moonbin and Rocky's conversation echoed in his head. Images he didn't want to see kept haunting his mind even if they were only imagined. Eunwoo and Rocky kissing, tasting, and feeling each other's lips while their hands ran over the other's skin. The only thing he had wanted to do with Rocky so badly but yet was so ashamed of, Eunwoo could do whenever he wanted while knowing how much he was loved back.</p><p>It was so unfair. How could Sanha sit down and watch them hold hands or kiss each other and openly tell each other how much they love each other? He couldn’t, there was no way he could pretend that he was happy for them. And why would he? He wasn’t happy.</p><p>Sanha stopped. His breathing was heavy and hard. The cold air in his lungs made him feel like they would freeze and stop functioning. At least that wouldn't hurt as much as his heart breaking.</p><p>He knew they loved each other but the actual confirmation made his heart shatter differently. Different because he was sure that a million pieces could never be glued back together. Sanha knew his heart would ever be the same again.</p><p>It hurt badly, probably because of that hope he had let grow deep inside of him. Hope that Rocky would eventually stop loving Eunwoo. Hope that he could be loved by the boy of his dreams the way he wanted to be loved, the way he always had loved him. But that could've never happened. He was stupid, really stupid.</p><p>
  <cite>"I've liked Eunwoo hyung for a very long time now…"</cite><br/>
<cite>"The night in the practice room we got together…"</cite><br/>
<cite>"I really don't want to lose him…"</cite>
</p><p>Sanha had always thought that Rocky's voice was the most beautiful voice to exist. When Sanha heard him sing he found himself drift away to a different world. One full of peace and love. Even Rocky's talking was too beautiful for him. He could listen to his voice forever and love to hear it forever too. But right now when those three sentences were repeating in his head and hammering all of his senses, he hated Rocky's voice. He didn't want to hear another second of it. But it didn't stop. He kept hearing it.</p><p>Sanha pressed his hands against his ears and shook his head roughly. But it didn't stop. He could feel his knees tremble, not being able to hold him any longer. He fell and jolted when the ground's coldness froze his body significantly more than the air.</p><p>Rocky's voice only got louder and stronger in his head and Sanha hated it more than ever. He screamed. He screamed at the top of his lungs, not caring for a second about the people living in the houses and apartments around him or if anyone down the street heard him. He didn’t care about anything. He just wanted everything to stop.</p><p>He lost all control over himself and started sobbing like a five-year-old kid. Loud and ugly sobs from deep down his throat escaped him. He cried like all his pain and suffering could end if he let it all out. But that’s not how it worked. Sanha was sure he wouldn’t feel any better whether he let the pain out or not.</p><p>Suddenly strong arms wrapped around him and embraced him tightly. A part of Sanha wished it was Rocky but he knew that body squeezing him didn’t belong to Rocky.</p><p>He tried to break free but the person holding him was too strong.</p><p>“Let me go!” he screamed and elbowed the person with all his strength in their side but they didn’t let go, only groaned in pain. Sanha couldn’t help but instantly regret it and feel bad. That person couldn’t be anyone else than one of his members. And there was only one member that was so strong.</p><p>“What the hell, Sanha?”</p><p>Yeah, it was that member, Moonbin.</p><p>“I’m dead serious. Let. Go,” Sanha said with a deep and low voice that sounded very threatening.</p><p>“Okay, okay.” Moonbin slowly let go. Sanha quickly stood up, turned around, and gave Moonbin a deadly glare.</p><p>Moonbin couldn’t believe he was called the scary hyung when Sanha himself was ten times scarier right now. He had never seen Sanha like this. So angry and so hurt. His nose and cheeks were flushed in a light pink color and his face was wet with tears.</p><p>Speculations, huh? He had never been more right about something in his whole life. Sanha liked Rocky. He liked him the way Rocky liked Eunwoo and the way Eunwoo liked Rocky.</p><p>“What are you doing, Sanha? When I heard you scream I almost got a heart attack! I thought something happened to you-”</p><p>“Yes, something happened. My heart, hyung. My heart broke and it will forever stay like that, broken and miserable. No one will love me like this. And you know what? I don’t even want anyone to love me, not if it’s not that idiot!” The intensity of Sanha’s voice had built up until he’d practically shouted the last word, his face now red and not pink.</p><p>“Idiot? Who are you calling an idiot? Rocky? The one who wouldn’t go back to sleep until he made sure the blankets were completely covering you when he woke up in the middle of the night is an idiot? The one who makes sure to tell you how great and awesome that thing you did was but yet says he doesn’t get to support you because he’s one year older is an idiot? The one who doesn’t complain when you scream at him for making you lose the game you forced him to play is an idiot? Let me tell you how it is, you’re the idiot who ran away from home without putting on a jacket in the middle of the night in winter because you were eavesdropping on me and Rocky and-”</p><p>“Shut up! Just leave me alone!” Sanha screamed at him and turned around, but before he got a chance to run Moonbin grabbed his arm and said, “Now you’re just being more idiotic, screaming at me, your hyung, and thinking that you have a chance to outrun <cite>me</cite>.”</p><p>Sanha pulled his arm free and stepped towards Moonbin, who just stood there and stared at Sanha with disbelief. Even though they only had a few centimeters of difference in height, Moonbin still felt like Sanha towered over him, alarming Moonbin of the deep seriousness in the situation.</p><p>Sanha was standing so close that Moonbin could see the stormy fire inside of Sanha’s eyes that seemed to be glowing in the night.</p><p>“If you try to stop me again... you and I will no longer be family.”</p><p>Each word felt like a slap to the face leaving a burning pain. Moonbin couldn’t find any words to say. No longer family? Sanha couldn’t be serious. Moonbin couldn’t believe him for a second. Still, to be on the safe side he took a deep breath and carefully said, “Fine, I won't stop you. But at least tell me where you’ll go. And- and take my phone with you, okay? Just in case-” Sanha cut Moonbin off with a bitter laugh.</p><p>“You think I know where I’ll go? The only thing I know is that I don’t want to be near you or anyone else.” And just like that Sanha walked away without bothering to give Moonbin a second glance.</p><p>“Be careful… please.”</p><p>Three words. Three simple words Moonbin was supposed to shout after Sanha ended up as a weak whisper lost in the cold wind.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Eunwoo hyung, wake up.” Rocky shook Eunwoo’s shoulder. Within a second Eunwoo opened his eyes and sat straight up, almost sculling Rocky in the process.</p><p>“Sanha left,” Rocky said with a worried look on his face.</p><p>“What do you mean?” he asked and tilted his head to the side, frowning.</p><p>“Sanha heard me and Bin hyung talk. He knows about us, but I’m not sure if that’s why he suddenly left without telling anyone. He doesn’t even have his phone with him, but at least Bin hyung went after him. He will call if he doesn’t find him. I’m really worried though, hyung. What if something bad happens to him? He would never run off like this.” Rocky rambled on without stopping, stressing Eunwoo more and more every second. He knew Rocky was right. Sanha would never run off like this but right now he had to focus on Rocky and get to the bottom of the whole situation.</p><p>“Rocky, calm down, and just breathe.” Eunwoo pulled Rocky down to sit next to him. When Rocky sat down he instantly started explaining everything to Eunwoo. He told him about what he and Moonbin talked about and how they had heard someone leave and how that someone turned out to be Sanha.</p><p>“Do you think he left because of us?” Rocky asked with big eyes and fear on his face. Eunwoo didn’t know what to answer. Should he be honest and tell his boyfriend what he thought or should he try to calm him and tell him what he wanted to hear? Luckily, he didn’t have to choose. Rocky’s phone rang. It was Moonbin.</p><p>“Bin hyung?”</p><p>“I found him but that kid had the guts to threaten me and I hate to admit that he got me. He said we wouldn’t be family any longer if I tried to stop him from leaving. But don't worry, I’m following him to make sure he’s safe,” Moonbin whispered through the phone.</p><p>Rocky didn’t know what to say. His mind didn’t want to believe it. Sanha threatening Moonbin? Not even in his wildest dreams would Rocky have seen that. Much less believe it if someone else would have told him.</p><p>“If he finds out I’m following him... I don’t even want to imagine what he’ll do. I have never seen Sanha like this. He’s hurt, like really hurt. And very mad. My ribs still hurt after that elbow I got.” </p><p>Rocky opened his mouth to ask what had happened and why Sanha was so angry that he would harm Moonbin but Eunwoo got ahead of him. “Hang up the call, Binnie. You need to focus on Sanha. Don’t lose him and be careful.”</p><p>“Yeah, you’re right. Look after Rocky for me, yeah?”</p><p>Eunwoo looked at Rocky and reached for his hand with a smile. Rocky couldn’t help but blush and the flustered butterflies in his stomach couldn’t be unfelt even in this serious situation.</p><p>“Yeah, I will,” Eunwoo said and the next second Moonbin ended the call.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Sanha kept walking and walking. He didn’t take a turn anywhere, he just kept walking straight forward without thinking about where he was going. It was the last thing he cared about. His mind was too busy thinking about how much he hated everything, especially himself. </p><p>Hot tears streamed down his hot cheeks constantly. Sanha had taken out a lot of his anger on Moonbin who only had tried to help him and comfort him. Sanha wasn't only stupid but also mean. It would be a lie if he said he didn't regret how hard he had been on Moonbin. He sighed.</p><p>“Hey there. What are you doing alone at this hour?”</p><p>Sanha turned his head to the sound. It was a slim tall girl with long straight pitch-black hair. Her black leather pants and black crop top made it hard to distinguish her in the dark shadows over the wall she was leaning against. She didn’t have a jacket on and didn’t seem bothered by the cold air at all. </p><p>Sanha ignored her and kept walking until he heard footsteps behind him. He turned around and glared at the girl.</p><p>“What the hell do you want?” he asked annoyed. The girl raised her eyebrows and shrugged taking a blow from her cigarette.</p><p>“I guess I’m curious about you.” She smiled and stepped closer. The smell of her cigarette got stronger and Sanha wrinkled his nose in disgust. She laughed at his reaction and held out the cigarette.</p><p>“Wanna try? Feel free to take a blow."</p><p>Sanha backed away in response.</p><p>“Leave me alone,” he mumbled and turned around to walk away but stopped when she said, “I wonder why someone would break such a cute guy’s heart so roughly that he walks out in his pretty pajamas without a jacket in the awful season of winter at this time.”</p><p>“Feel free to keep wondering,” Sanha answered without hesitation using the same tone she had when she offered her cigarette. The girl laughed.</p><p>“Cute <cite>and</cite> funny. I like that. So how about this? Instead of a cigarette, I’ll offer you drinks. There’s a club down the street to our right. Wouldn’t it be nice to forget the pain? At least for a moment. Why not get drunk and dance away on the dance floor? I promise I'll keep you company… the whole night.” Her voice had gotten dangerously sensual at the last sentence and Sanha felt like her gaze was burning holes through him. He swallowed and shook his head determined that he would walk away and not stop even if the girl followed him.</p><p>Sanha heard her footsteps behind him. He couldn’t believe that some stranger wouldn’t leave him alone. And he hated how uncomfortable and creeped out that girl managed to make him feel by following him. It was super weird!</p><p>Sanha suddenly stopped and turned around to face her. She walked straight into him.</p><p>“Oops, sorry,” she mumbled and took a step back.</p><p>“Be specific this time. What do you want from me?” He had to try hard to not shout at her. She was upsetting his already tense nerves and Sanha felt like he would explode any minute now.</p><p>“I want to have fun! But I think I was specific before too,” she answered with a bright smile showing her white perfect teeth. For some reason, it reminded Sanha of Rocky. It was not her smile, no one had Rocky’s beautiful smile but still, something about her made him think of Rocky.</p><p>“Why me?” Sanha asked, scared that he had shown interest but yet curious about her and the trait that made him think of the only person his heart was beating for.</p><p>The smile on the girl’s pretty face faded, leaving a serious expression there.</p><p>“Because you look perfect in my eyes,” she said.</p><p>Her answer made Sanha gasp before he could stop himself. He couldn’t remember anyone calling him perfect before.</p><p>The girl reached out and took Sanha’s hand. He looked down at his hand in hers. It was weird. Why was he holding a stranger’s hand? Why did he <cite>let</cite> a stranger hold his hand?</p><p>Before he could react, the girl started leading him back to the direction he had come from but then turned left. Sanha didn’t know what he should do or what he wanted to do. The strange feeling in his stomach was too much, making it hard for him to think straight. Then Sanha realized he knew that feeling well. He was nervous, very nervous.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Thankful</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Rocky laid straight on his back and stared at the white ceiling, tears burning in his eyes.<br/>"I never thought Sanha one day would hate me so much that he doesn't even want to see me," he said with a soulless tone.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi hi!<br/>Is this chapter also kinda short? I don't know but lately, I feel like I'm writing shorter chapters. Anyway, from today on updates will unfortunately probably be much less often because Easter break is over and school is starting.<br/>I hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Moonbin frowned. He couldn't believe what he saw. Sanha just let a stranger take his hand and lead him away. </p>
<p>Moonbin took a deep breath and walked out of the shadows and started running towards them.</p>
<p>“Sanha!” he shouted and with his fast pace he quickly came up to them. Sanha instantly stopped and turned around.</p>
<p>Moonbin stared at Sanha and without even bothering to glance at the girl he grabbed Sanha’s wrist and pulled him away from the girl, her hand letting go of Sanha’s.</p>
<p>“It’s been a long time, Moonbin.”</p>
<p>Both Sanha and Moonbin jumped in surprise. But then, when Moonbin looked at the girl he realized he recognized her.</p>
<p>"You remember me?"</p>
<p>"You know each other?"</p>
<p>Moonbin and Sanha asked their own question at the same time. The girl smiled, ran her hand down her hair, and grabbed a strain. She started to roll her finger around it.</p>
<p>"Of course I remember you. How could I forget the best hookup I've ever had. Besides, two years isn't such a long time for anyone to forget something so…intimate."</p>
<p>Sanha was gaping. He couldn't believe her, but one short glance at Moonbin's red face was enough to confirm it. Sanha wanted the ground to swallow him whole. What were the odds that the stranger he'd encountered had been with Moonbin two years ago?</p>
<p>"I wouldn't call that intimate at all," Moonbin said coldly. She just laughed and crossed her arms. </p>
<p>She gave Moonbin one last glance and then turned her attention to Sanha. "So you're Sanha? What a sweet name," she said with a smile. Moonbin rolled his eyes and pulled Sanha closer to himself.</p>
<p>"Stop hitting on him. Why don't you go after someone who's more willing? He's not interested."</p>
<p>"You don't know if I'm interested or not," Sanha suddenly said with his eyes on his feet.</p>
<p>Moonbin snorted."I know exactly."</p>
<p>Suddenly the girl groaned and took a blow from her cigarette.</p>
<p>

"Sorry but I'm not someone with a whole lot of patience, so if you could make your choice now, that would be good. Either you come with me and get to experience a blast of a night or go with Moonbin. It's all your choice but make it quick, sweetheart," she told Sanha and took another blow that she breathed out in Moonbin's face. Moonbin coughed and stepped away dragging Sanha with him. He gave her a disgusted look before turning to Sanha who seemed to be too lost in thoughts to even have noticed what was happening in his surroundings.</p>
<p><cite>Sanha can't seriously be considering making a choice between me and a stranger that obviously just wants to get laid</cite>, Moonbin thought terrified.</p>
<p>"Sanha, let's go now, please. Let's go home and get you a warm shower, then get you down in bed so you can sleep with your baby blanket under your feet. You can’t fall asleep without it, remember? I promise I won't leave your side for a second," Moonbin whispered to Sanha softly.</p>
<p>Sanha looked at Moonbin with tears in his eyes. He took a deep breath and nodded.</p>
<p>Moonbin smiled and put his arm around Sanha's waist, pulling him as close as he could to himself. Sanha leaned against Moonbin and walked away from the stranger with heavy steps.</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
<p>Neither of them said anything until they were getting closer to their dorm. Sanha stopped, forcing Moonbin to do the same. He then did something that he hadn't expected himself to do and neither had Moonbin since he let out a surprised gasp that he tried to cover in a small cough. </p>
<p>Sanha carefully slid his hand under Moonbin's t-shirt through the unzipped jacket and touched the skin over Moonbin's ribs with his fingertips. He glanced at Moonbin and felt a little nervous at how closely the older was watching him. Since Moonbin didn't say anything Sanha took it a step further. He tilted his head to the side to see better as he lifted the t-shirt. Sanha breathed out in relief and let the t-shirt fall back down. When Sanha saw Moonbin's smile he felt worse about what he had done.</p>
<p>"It's okay. You're not strong enough to leave a bruise… yet," Moonbin said and patted Sanha's back. Sanha giggled and nodded.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, hyung. Did it hurt a lot?"</p>
<p>Moonbin sighed and shook his head, then hugged Sanha resting his chin on his shoulder. Sanha hugged him back tightly and cried. This time silently. He cried for his heartbreak, he cried for his stupid self and he cried for the lovely people he had in his life but didn't deserve.</p>
<p>"Thanks for not letting me go even though the things I said were so mean and I even… I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry," Sanha finally said.</p>
<p>He felt Moonbin loosen the grip around him. Sanha desperately hugged him tighter. He didn't want Moonbin to let go, not yet. His hug was too comforting and so warm and nice.</p>
<p>"Of course I wouldn't let you go and I know you never meant those things you said. But do <cite>not</cite> ever run off alone like that again. Do not ever let a stranger lead you away. You could have been murdered, abused, or drugged or something else horrible could have happened! I don't know what I would've done if something happened to you, but I'm sure I wouldn't be sane enough to stop myself from killing anyone who laid a finger on you."</p>
<p>Sanha gulped and felt himself starting to shake. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath trying to calm his suddenly wild heartbeat.</p>
<p>“I promise I won’t but then you have to promise me that you would never hurt someone for my sake,” Sanha mumbled. Moonbin sighed and stroked Sanha's back in soft motions and in a repeating pattern. It reminded Sanha of how Eunwoo had comforted Rocky earlier this night. Sanha wondered if Rocky had felt like he did right now, thankful that there was someone that cared about him and wanted him to feel better. Right now, Moonbin was that someone for Sanha, and Sanha didn't want to have it any other way.</p>
<p>"Sanha, don't you understand how much you mean to me? I can't promise that I won't go crazy if something bad happens to you."</p>
<p>"Hyung, please don't say that," Sanha pleaded. He was starting to get a little scared. Maybe Moonbin sensed Sanha's worry because he finally gave in and assured Sanha that he wouldn't try to hurt anyone.</p>
<p>"You better stay safe and take care of yourself then," Moonbin continued.</p>
<p>After a few seconds, Sanha broke free from the embrace and looked at Moonbin with a questioning face. “So that girl… you really...?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, well… It hadn't been long since I became an adult. That night, Eunwwo suggested we should go to a club and have some drinks to celebrate my coming of age day properly. She was there. Her attitude and her pretty face stood out, in fact, I could only see her. And when she looked at <cite>me</cite> and not Eunwoo… one thing led to another and…”</p>
<p>Sanha nodded, not wanting to hear any more. It made him feel uneasy.</p>
<p>“Obviously her specialty is to charm men. The best hookup she has ever had? Yeah, sure. I don’t even want to imagine how many she <cite>has</cite> had,” Moonbin mumbled, his face in a grimace.</p>
<p>Sanha shuddered when he thought of what could have happened if Moonbin hadn’t stopped him. If Moonbin hadn't <cite>saved</cite> him. He didn’t want a hookup. He wasn’t even an adult yet. Besides, how could he enjoy a single second of a hookup when he was so in love with Rocky? He couldn’t.</p>
<p>“You’re cold, Sanha. You’ll get sick if we stay out here,” Moonbin said and took Sanha’s hand, but Sanha didn’t move. He could barely feel his fingers by now, yet he managed to squeeze Moonbin’s hand.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to see Rocky hyung… not Eunwoo hyung either,” he whispered with a weak voice filled with pain.</p>
<p>Moonbin sighed but nodded. He brought out his phone and started texting Rocky while he began to walk. Sanha walked beside him with his arms around Moonbin’s waist and his head resting on his shoulder. Their walk was clumpy and wobbly but neither one of them complained or moved out of the embrace.</p>
<p>
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</p>
<p>
  <cite>“I’m bringing Sanha home but don’t show yourselves. He doesn’t want to see you. Don’t make me text you why. You should understand now. Don’t worry and go back to sleep.”</cite>
</p>
<p>Rocky was staring at the text message for a whole minute and could've stared at it a lot longer if Eunwoo hadn’t come up behind him.</p>
<p>“Did Binnie message you?” he asked. Rocky couldn’t speak. He just gave Eunwoo his phone and slowly crawled under the covers of Eunwoo’s bed for the second time that night. Rocky laid straight on his back and stared at the white ceiling, tears burning in his eyes.</p>
<p>"I never thought Sanha one day would hate me so much that he doesn't even want to see me," he said with a soulless tone. Eunwoo sighed and laid down next to Rocky straight on his back just like him. Their shoulders were pressed together an it calmed Eunwoo because the feeling assured him that Rocky was there, right next to him.</p>
<p>"He doesn't hate you. The reason he doesn't want to see you is that he loves you. I have never felt it… heartbreak... But I can imagine how devastated I would have been if you hadn't kissed me back that night. I can imagine how badly and painfully my heart would have broken if you hadn't loved me back. Rocky, I think you should try to understand Sanha and what he's going through right now. We both need to respect his feelings and give him space and the time he needs."</p>
<p>Rocky nodded but his mind didn’t want to accept it. He couldn't understand that Sanha loved him. Maybe because of how he had always only seen him as his little brother. The skinship and the clinging, he loved all that but it was just a brotherly affection. Sanha had been the person he had felt the most comfortable doing it with. No one would've believed him if he said that, but that's just how it was for some reason. But had Sanha fallen in love with him because of that? Had Sanha fallen in love with him thinking that Rocky liked him because of how much he cuddled with him? On top of that, how carefully he had made sure to take care of Sanha whenever he could, thinking that it was his responsibility to look after the other whenever he had a chance because Sanha was the only one that called him hyung could also have made Sanha think that Rocky liked him. So in conclusion, had Rocky's actions led Sanha to misunderstand his intentions? But no, that couldn't be it.</p>
<p>"Sanha's feelings… doesn't it bother you? I mean, don't you mind that he loves me?" Rocky wasn't sure why he was asking that in all of the hundreds of questions he had.</p>
<p>Eunwoo was silent for a long time. Rocky almost thought he had fallen asleep but then he suddenly answered, "No person doesn't mind someone else loving their boyfriend or girlfriend. But this is different. Sanha isn't someone else, he's my family. I can't blame him for falling in love with you. Why? Because I know he couldn't help it and maybe he wasn't even realizing it. At least, I know I couldn't help it or affect it and I also know I wasn't aware of my feelings for a very long time. Besides, you are a very charming person so I am a little surprised the whole world isn't in love with you." Eunwoo turned his head to look at Rocky who did the same at exactly that moment.</p>
<p>"Ah, hyung! What are you saying?" Rocky whined. Eunwoo only giggled happily.</p>
<p>"I mean it," he said. Rocky snorted and shook his head.</p>
<p>"I should say that about you," Rocky told Eunwoo who raised his eyebrows.</p>
<p>"Why? Because I'm handsome?" he asked jokingly even though he actually felt sad at how that surely was the reason the whole world would love him. Rocky would probably praise him for his beauty now. Not that Eunwoo minded, but he had gotten a little tired of people giving compliments about his beauty. But Rocky was his boyfriend and who didn't love being praised and admired by their lover?</p>
<p>"Handsome? That wasn't the first thing I thought about. But of course, you are unbelievably handsome. I'm surprised the whole world isn't in love with you because of how amazing you are. You're a great artist who sings beautifully and plays the piano magically. You're hardworking and patient. And I almost forgot to mention how intelligent you are! At the same time, you're good at sports like basketball and soccer. And no matter what anyone says I think you're a great actor who shows the perfect emotions just through your eyes. You're also a very good dancer who improves more and more each time you dance. And… for me, you're the best hyung."</p>
<p>Eunwoo's eyes got watery. His heart was swelling of love for the beautiful boy next to him that so simply said all of those things that meant so much for Eunwoo. He was so thankful for having Rocky in his life.</p>
<p>Rocky smiled and positioned himself on his side to face Eunwoo who did the same with a sigh.</p>
<p>"I love you so much," Eunwoo whispered and caressed Rocky's high cheekbone softly. He didn't give Rocky a chance to answer because he leaned forward and kissed him on the lips. It was a sweet kiss filled with passion and affection from both of them.</p>
<p>Those seconds that kiss lasted felt like the whole world shut down around Eunwoo and Rocky. There were only them, breathing the same air and heart beating in the same fast rhythm. Everything was forgotten. Sanha and how their love had hurt him was forgotten. Their unsecured future was forgotten. The consequences that they'd have to face tomorrow were forgotten. The only thing they knew was how much that kiss in those short seconds meant and how much deeper they fell in love with each other. So when they slowly and unwillingly pulled away it felt like everything crashed on top of them and crushed them into small pieces. Both of them felt horrible and extremely sorry for the person that was currently crying under the hot water in the shower. But their pity wouldn't help him. It was nothing in comparison to what he felt and a few empty apologies would never make up for it either. The only person that could help him and make him feel better was himself. But maybe the older Male that was walking back and forth outside the bathroom door in deep and genuine worry while scratching his neck also could help the heartbroken boy.</p>
<p>Neither of them knew that though. Not yet.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I need to change the tags cuz it seems like Sanha and Bin are getting very <cite>friendly</cite>...<br/>Things will get hard for Rocky and Eunwoo soon.<br/>Let's just hope they can stay together.</p>
<p>As always, stay safe and be careful!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Eight letters</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Rocky and I want to tell you something.” Once again Eunwoo had to pause. Sweat was breaking out in the back of his neck and his loud heartbeat was echoing in all of his senses so when he finally said it, he couldn’t even hear himself.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi!<br/>So this is it. The last chapter and the end of my first fanfiction. I'm satisfied with it but of course it could have been better. It's not a structured or planned story but I think it worked out anyway. I enjoyed writing this and the best part was the feedback you guys left. Thank you so much! I hope you'll like the ending!</p><p>Btw, I'm posting this at midnight so there might be some errors, sorry in advance.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The second Sanha opened the bathroom door he was being held tightly in a warm embrace. He sighed and let himself relax in the safe feeling of Moonbin’s strong arms around his body.</p><p>“You were in there for so long I thought something happened. Please stop scaring me like this,” Moonbin said and pulled away to look into Sanha’s eyes.</p><p>With a gap of only a few centimeters between their faces, their breathing automatically became in sync. The longer they stared at each other the faster their heartbeats rose and the louder the sound of the lively beating became.</p><p>“Let this be the last time… please,” Moonbin whispered desperately.</p><p>A shiver went down Sanha’s spine when he felt hot air from Moonbin’s mouth against his lips, almost like a soft and brief kiss. He was shocked that he wasn’t bothered by the thought of Moonbin’s lips against his. It was probably because his mind was drawing Rocky in front of his eyes, in Moonbin’s place. But for some reason, it felt odd and wrong. Rocky wasn’t Moonbin. Rocky wasn’t there for him like Moonbin was. Rocky was probably sleeping comfortably in his boyfriend’s arms. He wasn’t worried for him like Moonbin was.</p><p>“I will never worry or scare you like this again, Binnie Hyung,” Sanha whispered and moved his head slowly forward. Moonbin let out a trembling breath, unsure of what Sanha was doing until he felt his forehead pressed against Sanha’s. He relaxed and closed his eyes.</p><p>Both of them thought it was strange how right it felt.</p><p>A content feeling was building up inside of Moonbin. He enjoyed sharing breaths with Sanha, he enjoyed feeling Sanha’s lanky body under the palm of his hands and he enjoyed the feeling of his tickling nervous nerves. But why was he enjoying all of those things right now? Since when did he do that? What did it mean? Moonbin decided he would think about that later. He had to focus completely on Sanha right now.</p><p>Moonbin took Sanha’s hand and led him to the bed, staring deep into his eyes and not breaking the eye contact for a second. Sanha couldn’t keep his blush down. Moonbin’s sharp and piercing gaze and the way he was walking back towards the bed so slowly made his skin heat up like fire.</p><p>When Moonbin finally looked away and let go of Sanha’s hand, Sanha crawled under the bed covers and started breathing again. He hadn’t even been aware that he had held his breath but wasn’t surprised. Moonbin was easily affecting him with his caring gestures and touches and looks. The way it all was so deep and sincere meant tremendously much for Sanha. So when Moonbin laid down next to him in his bed, he clung onto him and pulled himself as close as he thought he was allowed. The content feeling inside of Moonbin grew and he pulled Sanha closer until his face was hidden in the crook of Moonbin’s neck. Moonbin loved the way Sanha’s arm laid over his chest. He loved the fresh smell from Sanha’s newly washed hair. He even loved the low sound of Sanha’s breathing.</p><p>“Hyung, tomorrow-”</p><p>“Tomorrow I’m sure you’ll be strong and wise. I’ll be there right next to you and by your side. Sleep and don’t think about anything. I’m sure that in the end, everything will work out and everyone will be happy.”</p><p>Sanha squeezed his eyes shut and tried to swallow the lump in his throat. He forced himself to talk. “Will I also be happy?” he asked Moonbin who sighed and started petting Sanha’s head. It hurt him to hear the rough pain in Sanha's voice.</p><p>“I’ll make you happy,” Moonbin whispered and pressed a soft kiss onto the top of Sanha’s head.</p><p>Sanha smiled. He was already starting to feel happier just by a simple gesture like that. So was it worth it to make everyone hate him for telling their management about Eunwoo and Rocky to make them break up as he planned to do? Was it worth it to throw away Moonbin’s comfort and love because he was an angry and hurt fool? Could he even survive being hated by his members? Could he even do something so cruel? Just the pure thought made him feel like he was drowning, so no, he could never. He hated how that idea even had gotten formed in his toxic mind. There was only one option left for him now. He had to try and let go. He had to let go of Rocky and let his heart heal as slowly as it wanted. Through it all, he wouldn’t worry because he would have Moonbin by his side.</p><p>
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</p><p>“Hey, it’s time to wake up!”</p><p>Sanha groaned and moved closer to Moonbin who luckily was still there, right next to him and by his side.</p><p>“Come on!” MJ said louder and shook both Moonbin and Sanha as roughly as he could while they kept holding onto each other tightly. Moonbin wasn’t even awake yet.</p><p>“Stop, hyung!,” Sanha whined.</p><p>MJ let go of them and sighed. “Why are you so lazy this morning?”</p><p>Frustrated, Sanha sat up and glared at MJ with heavy eyelids and unfocused eyes.</p><p>MJ softened and smiled at Sanha. “Breakfast is ready, sunshine,” he said.</p><p>Sanha snorted, but then a small smile played at the corner of his mouth. He rubbed his eyes and looked down at Moonbin. He was sleeping so peacefully and cutely Sanha didn’t have the heart to try and wake him up. As if MJ had read his mind he said, “Go wash up. I’ll try to wake him up.”</p><p>Sanha nodded and carefully climbed over Moonbin and out of the bed. He looked at Moonbin one last time before going to the bathroom and leaving Moonbin alone in the bed.</p><p>“I wonder why everyone has been so sentimental lately. First Eunwoo and Rocky, now Sanha and Binnie. I and Jinjin must be on cue…” MJ mumbled to himself with a smile and then started his next attempts of waking the heavy sleeper.</p><p>
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</p><p>MJ came back to the kitchen, muttering things to himself.</p><p>“What's going on, hyung?” Jinjin asked with an amused smile on his face.</p><p>“It was so hard to wake Binnie up,” MJ answered and sat down with a tired sigh. Jinjin grinned and sat down next to him, starting to feed him some cereal. A bright smile broke out on MJ’s face and he happily accepted Jinjin’s feeding.</p><p>Opposite of them Rocky and Eunwoo sat close to each other. They held hands under the table tightly. Both of them were feeling extremely anxious. They would tell everyone that they were together very soon. Sanha knew but his reaction was still what scared them the most.</p><p>Jinjin glanced at his two dongsaengs. The fresh hickey on Eunwoo's neck and another night of Rocky sleeping in Eunwoo’s arms and Eunwoo’s bed made it clear for Jinjin that they were together. He would lie if he said he wasn’t a little surprised, but everything had quickly made sense so the surprise was long gone now. He was happy for them, but at the same time, he was sad that they felt like they had to hide it. What made him even sadder was Sanha. He had always thought that there was a possibility that their maknae had a crush on Rocky, if not even more than a crush. </p><p>As their leader Jinjin had to be observant. Extra observant of their youngest and softest member. So it hadn’t been hard for him to catch those glances filled with adoration Sanha thought no one saw and the small blushes on his face when Rocky looked at him with his shiny eyes. But Jinjin hadn’t been sure and still wasn’t. Did Sanha like Rocky that way or not? Well, he would find out since Rocky and Eunwoo said they wanted to tell them something today during breakfast and Jinjin guessed it was the confession of their real relationship and true feelings for each other.</p><p>
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</p><p>
  <cite>“I’m sure you’ll be strong and wise.”</cite>
</p><p>As he walked to the kitchen those words were echoing in his head. Sanha took a deep breath before walking in with Moonbin like a tail behind him.</p><p>"Good morning," was all he said without meeting anyone's gaze. Sanha sat down with his eyes on anything except the people around him.</p><p>Moonbin gave Rocky and Eunwoo a small smile together with a nod, trying to calm them and reassure them that Sanha should have come to his senses now before sitting down next to Sanha. Eunwoo got the hint and smiled back, but Rocky looked more worried and scared than ever.</p><p>"Before we all start eating," Eunwoo paused and looked at Jinjin who was still feeding MJ with a fond smile on his face. When he felt the serious gaze on him Jinjin put the spoon down and looked back at Eunwoo, MJ doing the same.</p><p>Now that he had everyone's attention Eunwoo didn't want to say anything. He just wanted to escape back into his room that lately had become his and Rocky's haven and forget about everything. He was so nervous he wasn't sure if he would be able to speak properly. When Eunwoo felt Rocky shaking next to him he forced himself to get it together and calm down. He had to for Rocky's sake. He squeezed Rocky's hand before inhaling some air down to his lungs that his heart was beating rapidly against. He cleared his throat.</p><p>"Rocky and I want to tell you something.” Once again Eunwoo had to pause. Sweat was breaking out in the back of his neck and his loud heartbeat was hammering all of his senses, so when he finally said it, he couldn’t even hear himself.</p><p>“What?!” MJ shouted. Everyone looked at him, shocked over his sudden shout, and as shameless as MJ was, he stared back at all five pairs of eyes.</p><p>Sanha rolled his eyes, feeling annoyed at a too high level. He would explode any second now. He was afraid of what he would do this time because the moment he saw the new hickey on Eunwoo’s neck he had been so close to fishing up his phone from his pocket and calling their manager with the speaker on so he could hear the news Eunwoo and Rocky had.</p><p>Venom filled his veins and he felt like hatred was dripping off of him like water drops. When he ran away and cried himself empty in the cold night they had drowned in the heat of each other. The pictures in his mind of their kisses and Rocky’s bites and sucks on Eunwoo’s neck made him want to throw up. He was so freaking jealous. He thought he would be cool and finally accept their love without hurting himself but look how wrong he had been. The worst thing was the thought of how they did those things while he had been missing.</p><p>Sanha didn’t know everything had happened before he ran away and he would never know that either. So right now he kept overthinking while he deep down cursed them.</p><p>
  <cite>Do I not mean anything to them? Do they not love me at all? Not even as their member, their friend, or their brother? Had they not spared me a single thought between their kisses? Probably not. Obviously not.</cite>
</p><p>“May I ask since when?” MJ’s loud and high pitched voice flew through Sanha’s thoughts like an arrow.</p><p>“It’s our second day today,” Eunwoo mumbled with his head hanging as if he was ashamed, but of course, that was not how it was. He was just nervous and scared.</p><p>Eunwoo glanced at Rocky and saw that he was looking at Sanha who was staring back at Rocky with dark wild eyes.</p><p>“I want to say something.” The sharp tone in Sanha’s voice startled everyone.</p><p>Moonbin wasn’t surprised that Sanha had lost it. After all, the boy who yet hadn’t even turned twenty was in love with Rocky. Moonbin could imagine how much it would hurt to see the person you love to be in love with someone else while that someone else was a part of your family. Moonbin sighed and put his hand on Sanha’s thigh, hoping his touch could remind Sanha of his support and his words from last night. Moonbin was worried about what Sanha possibly wanted to say. He didn’t want to see Rocky and Eunwoo hurt either. He wanted everyone to be happy.</p><p>“I get that you feel horny when you’re alone in the same room together, that’s fine, whatever. What I’d like to know is if it's that nice? Is it that nice to kiss each other and bite each other’s skin that you don’t care about anything else anymore?” Sanha said bitterly.</p><p>That was it. The thing Sanha had wanted to say hurt Rocky and Eunwoo. Moonbin sighed. How uncomfortable and shocked Jinjin and MJ was because of what Sanha had said was obvious. Moonbin couldn't blame them. He had not expected this from Sanha.</p><p>Moonbin had never in their many years of friendship seen Rocky so pale. Not even when he was sick and not even the many layers of foundation the make-up artist put on his darker skin had made him look this pale. Eunwoo, on the other hand, got red, almost to a point where he looked like a tomato. If it wasn’t a serious situation, it could have been quite a funny sight.</p><p>“Sanha!” Jinjin said with disbelief. He was frowning and his mouth was drawn out in a straight line. Sanha just ignored him. Moonbin didn’t like the direction this was going in but he had no idea what to do to stop it.</p><p>“Answer me,” Sanha demanded.</p><p>Rocky was staring down at the table with watery eyes while biting his lip so hard it had started to bleed a little. When Eunwoo looked at Rocky and saw the bleeding lip he gasped and cupped Rocky’s face in his hands. The way Eunwoo looked at Rocky with a worried expression Moonbin had never seen on that handsome face before and the way a bright light sparked in their eyes like fireworks that Moonbin had never seen before either or perhaps never had noticed, made him realize they loved each other much more than he thought. It was wrong by Sanha to sit here and say those dirty things to them. Moonbin wouldn’t choose Sanha’s side like this. He would choose what’s right.</p><p>“Horny? Is that what this is about? Then tell me, Sanha, what about you? Don’t you love Rocky? Do you feel horny every time you’re in a room alone together with him just because you love him? Kisses and bites. Was that what you wanted from Rocky? Is that how you define love?” Moonbin tried to tell Sanha calmly and not in a mean way, but a look of pain flashed across Sanha’s face anyway. The next second that look of pain disappeared and was replaced with a face hard like stone.</p><p>“You out of all people should know that’s not how I-”</p><p>“I thought I knew. But now... Tell me, Sanha, why would their love be any different from yours that you’re stating is so pure and real, huh?”</p><p>Sanha was speechless. He knew Moonbin was right so there was simply nothing to say. Maybe he shouldn't have-</p><p>“You said we didn’t care about anything else anymore. What did you mean?” Sanha turned his attention to Eunwoo who now had a protective arm around Rocky who was still staring at the table. Sanha had to admit he was impressed by the way Eunwoo managed to use a natural and objective tone while all the emotions in his eyes were clear like water. And the water was now boiling. Eunwoo was mad. It was obvious, but yet he was trying to stay calm which he usually didn't care about when he was angry.</p><p>“Are you ready to give up your career for the sake of your relationship? Are you ready to ruin Astro for the sake of your relationship? Are you ready for all the hate your relationship will bring?” Sanha asked Eunwoo in a weak voice instead of answering his question. He was starting to regret what he had said. He wished he could have been better at controlling himself. He wished he had stayed silent from the beginning. He wished he would have just nodded and told Rocky and Eunwoo that he was happy for them even though it would have been the biggest lie to ever leave his mouth.</p><p>Rocky looked up at Sanha. Sanha froze and all thoughts in his head stopped. Slowly everyone else faded around him until the only person he could see was Rocky. The sight of Rocky’s sad eyes were biting every centimeter of Sanha’s body. He felt guilty but was telling himself that it was nothing in comparison to how he had looked like last night.</p><p>“Sanha, no one will give up their career, no one will get hate and Astro won’t be ruined. Rocky and Eunwoo can date. No one else needs to know. We understand that you’re hurt because of your feelings for Rocky, but that doesn't mean you can do however you please. You need to apologize to Eunwoo and Rocky for the things you said earlier,” Jinjin told Sanha slowly and calmly.</p><p>Next to him Moonbin reached out and took Sanha’s hand. “Jinjin Hyung is right. You forgot before so I’ll say it again, I’m sure you’ll be strong and wise. This time you really will,” Moonbin whispered to Sanha with a small encouraging smile.</p><p>Sanha stared at Moonbin for a few seconds. Something warmed up Sanha's insides. He was so relieved Moonbin still was there for him despite everything. It had to continue that way. Sanha needed Moonbin to be there for him.</p><p>Sanha sighed and a calm took over his senses. He would be strong and wise this time, for Moonbin and himself.</p><p>Sanha suddenly stood up and bowed to Rocky and Eunwoo. Still bowing he said, “Rocky and Eunwoo hyung, I’m sorry for the things I’ve said and done. I truly am. Please, forgive me.” He did mean it but he was still scared that the honesty couldn't be heard in his shaky voice.</p><p>Rocky and Eunwoo looked at each other. Eunwoo sighed and then looked away. Rocky squeezed his hand before letting go and rising from his seat. Rocky walked up to Sanha, putting his hands on his shoulders and straightening the taller.</p><p>“I forgive you, Sanha… I’m also sorry. I’m sorry for breaking your heart. I’ll always love you, just not the way you want and for that I’m sorry,” Rocky told him.</p><p>Sanha smiled sadly. It hurt to hear those words leave Rocky’s mouth. It hurt in a way that felt like Rocky had stabbed him in his heart with a knife. But at the same time, he felt how everything was starting to fall back to the way it was. His heart was very slowly gluing back those millions of pieces it broke into. But even the healing hurt. Sanha concluded that everything would have been easier if he had just accepted that Rocky would always love Eunwoo. It wouldn’t have hurt as much and he wouldn’t have said those awful things and he wouldn’t have thought of a plan that could break his hyungs apart. Now Sanha knew he had to learn to let go. To keep people that you should let go was selfish and stupid. Sanha knew he also had to learn to keep his mouth shut and stay cool and collected no matter what situation he was in.</p><p>“No, hyung. You don’t need to be sorry. You can’t help who you fall in love with. I guess we just weren't destined as lovers,” Sanha said and Rocky nodded, smiling.</p><p>“So everything is resolved just like that? Guys, I don’t want there to be any awkwardness. We have a comeback in like three weeks! If anyone notices that something is going on-“</p><p>“Ah, hyung! Is that all you’ve got to say?” Moonbin interrupted MJ who stared back at him confused.</p><p>“Yeah, what I said is important,” MJ said with a scoff.</p><p>“No, there won’t be any awkwardness. Right, Sanha? Rocky?” Jinjin looked at them with his eyebrows raised. Sanha and Rocky looked at each other, both of them with a small smile eliminating the shadow that had been over them the past hours. They looked at Jinjin and nodded in sync. </p><p>Jinjin smiled and then turned towards Eunwoo.</p><p>“Eunwoo?”</p><p>Eunwoo had crossed his arms and his jaw was clenched hard. Rocky had to fight an urge to run to his boyfriend, hug him tightly and kiss his clenched jaws until he relaxed.</p><p>“Sanha, I want you to know how worried Rocky was. I want you to know that Rocky was hurt and sorry. Then, the things you said hurt him more. I once told Rocky that I won’t stay silent if anyone hurts him no matter what happens and no matter what the consequences could be. And now I’ll also say… no matter who it is-”</p><p>“Eunwoo…” Moonbin tried but instantly shut his mouth when Eunwoo glared at him. It was a cold and stone hard glare that almost made Moonbin shiver.</p><p>“It’s hard for me to forgive you so easily, but MJ hyung is right. We have a comeback to focus on. Besides, Rocky forgave you so I’ll have to do the same… Don’t look at me like that, you all know I love Sanha anyway.” Everyone relaxed and Sanha nodded. He felt sad that Eunwoo hadn’t forgiven him but could he blame him? No, he couldn’t.</p><p>“I think this is a weird thing to say in this situation, but I want you all to know that I’m proud of you. Our team has grown to a point where we can solve problems easier than before. I can see how we all truly trust each other and care for each other. It warms my heart,” Jinjin said with a bright smile while he looked at all of his members one by one. It sounded cheesy but no one said anything. Everyone knew it was true and it was nice to hear it from their leader.</p><p>MJ chuckled and got up from his seat, pulling Jinjin with him.</p><p>“We need a group hug!” MJ said happily and gathered everyone.</p><p>Somehow Jinjin ended up in the middle of their circle and everyone instantly hopped on him. They were hugging each other and laughing happily. Even Sanha felt happy.</p><p>His eyes landed on Moonbin who was already looking at him with a big smile on his face and with his pretty bright moon crescent eyes. Moonbin swept Sanha into a tight hug and ran his hand through Sanha’s light purple hair.</p><p>“See, I told you everything would work out and that everyone would be happy. Don’t you dare blame yourself for the incidents. No one is perfect. We all keep growing and learning new things and we all go through ups and downs in our lives. Don’t blame yourself for being human,” Moonbin whispered.</p><p>The way Moonbin’s lips had been touching Sanha’s ear made his knees tremble. Before Sanha could stop himself he had pulled back and tilted his head to the side while slowly leaning forward. Then, when his lips had been millimeters from touching Moonbin’s cheek he instead hugged him and rested his head against Moonbin’s.</p><p>Sanha’s cheeks were burning. He couldn’t believe he had almost kissed Moonbin on the cheek. How embarrassing!</p><p>“Thank you,” Sanha whispered with his eyes closed. With the scent of Moonbin in his nose together with the feeling of Moonbin’s body pressed against his and the sound of laughs from his other hyungs in his ears, Sanha was happy. He really was happy.</p><p>
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</p><p>About a week later things couldn't get better between all of the members. There was no awkwardness or stiffness. However, Sanha was still hurting every time he saw Rocky and Euwnoo together but Moonbin was always there and his presence helped Sanha's aching heart heal little by little. </p><p>Rocky and Eunwoo had tried their best to not show any affection for each other in front of Sanha, but Eunwoo was impatient and wanted to kiss and touch his boyfriend all the time to take benefit of the short time they had left before the comeback that would keep them away from each other. Rocky was also impatient but enjoyed the stolen moments in the empty rooms of their company building after practices or recordings because of the kick of energy just a look from Eunwoo gave him and how his aching and tired muscles were forgotten in a second. Late practices were the best. It meant he and Eunwoo could stay behind in one of those rooms as long as they wanted because all the people had already left the building. Tonight was one of those nights.</p><p>After what felt like hours Eunwoo pulled away from Rocky's swollen lips. They were panting hard and new sweat was now covering their body. When their breathing finally calmed down Eunwoo smiled and put his hands on the wall on either side of Rocky's head. He leaned in slowly and kissed Rocky gently. It was a very different feeling in comparison to Eunwoo's earlier kisses. His earlier kisses had been so wild Rocky had barely been able to keep up. At one point he thought he would faint.</p><p>When Eunwoo kissed him gently and slowly like this, it usually meant that it was over. They would quickly get dressed and head back to the dorm. But tonight when Eunwoo pulled back, he just stared at Rocky without moving or saying anything.</p><p>"What?" Rocky asked, his voice hoarse. Eunwoo's heart skipped a beat. He loved it when Rocky's voice sounded like that.</p><p>"I haven't thanked you properly for all the help you gave me that night," Eunwoo answered and moved his hands down to Rocky's muscular arms and touched his skin centimeter by centimeter.</p><p>Rocky wasn't sure what Eunwoo was aiming at and it was too hard for him to think when Eunwoo's fingers were leaving a trail of burning flames on his skin. As if Eunwoo felt Rocky's confusion he continued, "The night I kissed you. The night we poured out our feelings in kisses... and touches... and words."</p><p>When the word <cite>kisses</cite> left Eunwoo's mouth he pressed a short kiss onto Rocky's lips and then cheeks. When the word <cite>touches</cite> left his mouth he touched Rocky's bare chest with his fingertips, letting them dance over the smooth skin, knowing how weak it made Rocky who was holding his breath nervously.</p><p>Rocky couldn't speak. It seemed like Eunwoo could make him moan loudly <cite>and</cite> mute him.</p><p>"I want to take you out for a meal," Eunwoo said sweetly with a smile. "As a thank you," he finished.</p><p>Rocky put his arms around Eunwoo's neck and pulled him down. He kissed him softly and mumbled how much he'd love that.</p><p>They both knew very well it wasn't only a thank you for the help Rocky had given him with the choreography. It was for everything. For loving each other and for making each other's lives better.</p><p>"I love you."</p><p>They said it at the same time with the same amount of passion and honesty behind those eight letters.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>My next work will be based on a request.<br/>It will be about chaky and it will have a connection from All Light era to Blue Flame era as well as some cute chaky moments from the SG fan meeting and the Japan fan party + possibly some other things I might notice when I look back. It will take some time to finish  and it will probably be long but I hope you'll stay tuned. I'll try my best to improve my writing and give you an interesting and cute story. Once again thanks for reading!</p><p>Stay safe everyone and let's enjoy Astro's comeback on May 4th!</p>
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